When enforcing a rule with an iron fist leaves the people you love in the dust, the reality of planning a wedding comes into focus.
In the heat of wedding planning, there will be conflicts on all sides. Between the bridal party, between two mother's with completely different visions of their child's special days and of course conflict from the peanut gallery.
If you've been following this blog, you understand and have read my policy on guests bringing a date to my wedding. I specifically told certain people that they wouldn't be allowed a "Plus 1" to minimize costs as well as only having people we love and know personally at the wedding. I can't tell you how awkward it is for me to meet a bride on her special day and it's happened twice. To that note, I've been reading up on how to solve potential conflicts when it comes to wedding stuff and also to help with my current one. I took to the blog, Principles in Action for some guidance.
"Disagreements can appear in the most unlikely places imaginable, once you start your wedding planning. What seems right through your eyes might not be acceptable by your mother-in-law, or maybe your even own mother. Even worse are the times when you find yourself in conflict with your own partner. This is not the time to panic, or to create unnecessary wedding drama to make matters worse; deal with disagreements with diplomacy."
I would like to think that Jeremiah and I are very diplomatic when it comes to making joint decisions. We had established the no "Plus 1" rule, and ironically I was enforcing it with an iron fist. It was when one of my MOH's asked to bring her boyfriend of two months when feathers became ruffled.
Here's the back story: My best friend lives in Florida and started dating her current boyfriend a few months ago. I wasn't surprised that she asked me if he could come to the wedding, I was surprised as to how much of a conflict it caused. Granted, if I did say "yes" it would be breaking the rule that we seriously enforced when making our invite list, but she's my best friend and traveling a long way to be there for me, why can't I just invite him? The truth is, I don't know him. Nor will I get to meet him until the wedding and while I do trust her and her instinct that "he's the one," I feel badly for the others that we cut off the list who we DO know because of the rule that we have. It's nothing personal, it's the business of planning a wedding on a budget.
You could use the argument that rules are meant to be broken, and I'm sure that my fiance's reaction (now upholding with an iron fist) of "Being downright adamant will not get you anywhere-trust me" will fade slightly. And I'm sure this conflict will seem minute in the next few months, but it's my first REAL one in the middle of planning. What's funny is that I keep wanting to tell people, "just wait until you plan your wedding." It's almost the same way a parent tells a child, "just wait until you have kids of your own someday, you'll understand."
To conclude, I will leave you with one last piece of advice from Principles of Action: "The last thing you need is your partner all fumed up because you are uptight all the time when it comes to wedding planning. Take time out for your partner, and compromise where you see there is no other option. Your partner’s wishes should be your first priority, nothing about the wedding day is going to seem grand to you if either of you is feeling sour."