A passionless performance from the former DWTS enthusiast left us wondering: does Kirstie Alley want to get sent home?
After last week’s easy elimination—Drew Lachey was not going to be eliminated over Pamela Anderson—the celebs stepped it up a notch for week two’s jive and quickstep. Here’s how the Dancing With the Stars leader board looks after last night’s performances:
Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani
Dovolani, who has a knack for being paired with not-the-winner (there was Stacey Kiebler who finished in third place in season two, and of course Melissa Rycroft, who came in third as well in season eight, but for the most part a slew of total non-contenders such as Martina Navritilova, Kate Gosselin, Kathy Ireland, and Leeza Gibbons to name a few), finally got some credit from the judges for his choreography of the speedy jive.
Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas
There’s not much to say: The technique just wasn’t good in this quickstep to “Redneck Woman,” but we must comment on Palin’s amazing quote in their pre-dance package: "Being at the gun range triggered something in me that makes me really want to do well in this competition." Sadly, there was no pun intended. Sorry, Palin, we think this competition is a long shot (pun intended).
Helio Castroneves and Chelsie Hightower
Judges Len Goodman and Carrie Ann Inaba only want to talk about style and charm, and it’s Bruno Tonioli that doles out the criticism, commenting on a wrong-footed landings. Surprisingly, Goodman didn’t comment on the hairography from Hightower (impressive but perhaps a distraction from the jive?), and let’s not forget about the lipstick kisses covering Castroneves face.
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Apolo Anton Ohno and Karina Smirnoff
It’s all about manhood and gold medals with this one. After a fourth place finish last week, Ohno is itching to get on the podium, and he and Smirnoff sure did try with fast and fancy footwork and a lesson in leading. Sadly, it wasn't enough to put them in contention for a medal this week: They finished fourth yet again.
Sabrina Bryan and Louis Van Amstel
I admit it, I changed the channel for just a second (it is the final season of How I Met Your Mother, you know), and when I flicked back, I thought I saw Pam Anderson back on the dance floor! Sorry about that, Cheetah Girl—she’s just 28-years-old, but that big blond hair threw me off! Bryan and Van Amstel hit it hard with a high-energy performance. The ending was a bit tentative, but after being dropped on her ribs on the stairs in rehearsal, I can understand the hesitation!
Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Kirstie, you’re letting me down! She just doesn’t seem to have the zest she did during her first time around the DWTS ballroom. Her weak and wimpy arms were my first disappointment, but it seemed as if she didn’t even commit to the character—very un-Kirstie Alley of her! And that kiss at the end with Goodman? None of the flirtation sass I expected. Will she step it up or is Alley out?
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Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke
It seems we’re fans of the ex-footballer, but last night’s quickstep wasn’t great. Smith was a bit of a clunker on the dance floor, and was that a fumble of the hat by Burke at the end? And let’s not fail to mention how absurd that red suit looked! Very distracting.
Drew Lachey and Anna Trebunskaya
So basically no one voted for the boy-bander last week, but the younger Lachey brother takes it in stride. His jive is good, if not flat-footed as the judges agree, but Lachey’s main concern is to not fail in front of his daughter who the camera cuts to sitting stage-side—perhaps the best move to keep this pair in the competition. How can anyone send that cutie’s father home?
Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson
Dressed as Charlie Chaplan, Fatone is having fun, but is not flawless on the dance floor. Goodman went as far as to say, ”If you can’t dance much, come out and entertain us,” which the audience responded to with boos.
Shawn Johnson and Derek Hough
This may be the first time I’ve seen pro-dancer Hough look awkward! When his Olympic gymnast-partner wants to add a cartwheel to the routine, Hough gives it a try in rehearsal, barely getting his legs off the ground. In his defense, it was down a set of stairs and he didn’t have to do it in the actual routine, but it’s good to know Hough is human. The jive was fun and high energy, and Johnson’s movements were strong, but Goodman felt they could have done better.
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Kelly Monaco and Val Chmerkovskiy
The danceir is hardly worth mentioning, but the rehearsals were a first. Professional Chmerkovskiy tried to explain that the quickstep happens in the legs while the upper body stays stationary, but Monaco wasn’t having it. In order to make her partner understand the difficulty of dancing with bouncing boobs, she strapped a bra and water balloons on his chest and made him dance. Convincing? No. Hilarious? Yes. Maybe get another bra and focus on the footwork—there have been much bustier ladies on the show!
Gilles Marini and Peta Murgatroyd
It’s only week two and actor Marini is already injured! The DWTS docs told him he needs to relax his strained muscles for at least one to two weeks, but that clearly is not an option. Marini and Murgatroyd plowed on with a well-received jive, putting them in second place for the night.
What do you think of last night’s scoring? Is Palin the obvious out? Is Alley throwing in the towel? Is Lachey’s daughter cute enough to win him votes? Tell us in the comments below.
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