Have you ever worried that someone would recognize you behind your big sunglasses and sex-tousled hair as you slip surreptitiously out the door after sexy times with a new dude and start the long walk home?
Now, for the low, low price of $34.99, you can purchase an official Walk of Shame Kit! It includes a dress (one size fits most), sunglasses, backpack, toothpaste, flip-flops, body wipes, "Call/Don't Call" card that you can leave behind when you go, and apparently, your dignity. I notice the kit does not include condoms.
Let's start off with that calling card. Did we time-travel back to 1882? What's next, are you going to pull up in front of my apartment in your horse-drawn carriage to court me? (Actually, I live in New York, so perhaps this isn't entirely out of the realm of possibility.) Egads.
This kit is hardly practical. Who goes out for a night on the town carrying a tote big enough to hold all of this? How does the backpack roll up and fit into the tin can along with all the other accoutrements? Does this kit assume that women never invite men over to their places to have sex? And for almost $35, couldn't you just call a taxi to take you home?
Gentlemen, don't worry; you can get in on the action too. The company's website asks, "Aren't you tired of her taking your favorite t-shirt in the morning? Keep a Walk of Shame Kit in your house, and you don't have to worry about calling her to get it back." There's nothing ladies like better than snagging free shirts! In fact, that's often why I go home with guys. Sex? No thanks. I'd rather dig through your closet while you're in the shower and take your precious "Roll Tide" tee.
Oh and let's not forget the most important part of the kit: your breast cancer awareness bracelet. Because as is so often the case, this product is basically a gimmick. A gimmick to benefit charity, while also hinting at the idea that sex is something women should be ashamed of or embarrassed by. That just seems skeevy to me.
I don't know what the creators behind the Walk of Shame Kit were hoping to accomplish, but I raise my eyebrows at any product that has a tagline saying, "We'll never tell!" I don't believe that anyone should be ashamed of going out and getting laid. I don't even believe in the walk of shame. Say it with me: There is nothing wrong with consenting adults wanting to get together and knock boots. Sex is fun. It's healthy! In fact, I think we should vow to make 2014 the year to stop worrying about sex—and start having more orgasms (pick some handy tips to get started here). Where can I sign up to get behind that nationwide movement?
What do you think? Would you buy a kit? Let us know in the comments below or tweet us @Shape_Magazine!