On my 26th Birthday I decided to jump on the scale and see what I was working with, I knew I had put on weight … I mean I went from shopping at the cute trendy “young” stores to the cute clothes of Lane Bryant! Nothing against Lane Bryant, I love their clothes; it has kept me sane since my weight gain. However, my birthday is in the summer, and something is wrong when the thought of being in a bikini or a tight dress in my twenties is a nightmare!
Now I am not saying because I am fat, I am not beautiful. Or even that larger women are not beautiful. But I have recognized that I am not happy and that makes me feel less beautiful.
So when I finally saw my scale number … 251 pounds btw … I sat back and asked myself, when did this all happen? As if it all just happened by chance! I guess this blog is my way of affirming that it did not happen by chance. That at some point I stopped caring. And I, like anyone else who has been here with me, can go down a list of blame – stress from work, a bad relationship, a hectic schedule, and so on and so forth … but I will not. And I say that because, no matter how many fitness magazines I buy at the check-out line – to feel like I’ve put in effort even though I have no real intention of using the articles – I’ve never read a story about how excuses (aka bad relationships & stress) helped someone become happier.
So today is my war cry to all of the negative things in my head that made me stop caring and that told me something else was more important than my own happiness. This mindset did not happen overnight, but I know I am stronger than the games I have been playing with myself. I guess I am starting this journal thread to remind myself to cut out the BS and do something right for me … and not for nothing – it feels refreshing!