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13 Ways to Really Piss Off a Runner

For the most part, runners love to talk about running. We’ll open up about weird aches and pains (missing toenails and bloody nipples, anyone?), bathroom mishaps (if you see a runner wearing just one sock, steer clear), the minutia of our weekly mileage—show the slightest interest, and we’re off and running (har, har). But there are certain things non-runners say—like the seemingly innocuous remarks below—that can invoke our wrath and instantly shut down a conversation.

"Oh, so you're a jogger?"

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No, I'm a RUNNER. Jogging is what everyone slower than me does. (What Makes You a Runner?)

"My friend ran a marathon without even training."

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Your friend Barney Stinson?

"Aren't runners supposed to be skinny?"

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Just… no.

“So how fast are you?”

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I don’t know, pretty fast? I mean, I’m not Mary Cain fast but… I do all right. I think. 

“Have you won any races?”

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Not the point, people! We run for love.

“You’re going to ruin your knees.”

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Um, not according to SCIENCE, thankyouverymuch.

“Ugh, I hate running!”

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Everyone’s entitled to her own opinion. Yours is wrong, but you’re entitled to it. 

“How long is your marathon?”

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What? 

“*****!”

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Usually yelled by some jerk driving by us. Not cool, guys. 

“Wait, you pay to run races?”

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Yes—but they give me a banana when I finish! 

“But it’s not safe to run [fill in the blank].”

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In the rain. In the wind. In the snow. In the heat. In the dark. In the woods. If we listened to all of you, we’d never even put on our sneakers. (What's the Best Temperature for a Run?)

“Running doesn’t burn that many calories, you know.”

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Usually said pointedly, while we’re shoveling down a post-long run meal. Uh, shut it. (Stock up on The Best Foods to Fuel Your Marathon Training.) 

“You run? How come?”

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This is more for your protection. Because once you ask us about our running, chances are we won’t shut up about it for a while. We warned you!

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