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30 Thoughts You Have In an Indoor Cycling Class

Between the warm-up and the cool-down, there's way more going on in spin class than just sprints and jumps. Indoor cycling can be hilarious, bizarre, and a straight-up struggle. On the outside? You're a smiling, glowing champ. On the inside? Things are a little different. You may not be saying much out loud other than "Woo!" but listen: We know. We've been there, we get it, and we've listed the 30 most common thoughts you have while the sweat's flying. 

Water: Check. Top bun: Check. Hilariously tiny towel: Check. Bring it on, Wednesday-at-7!

I'm sorry—a sub? The website clearly stated that David would be teaching. Hot David. This is a waste of my best workout shorts.

Wait, yes—it's Jen, the woman who only plays diva jams, as opposed to David's kinda-cult-y House music. We're golden.

Oh. That girl thinks she can use my bike? That's cute. That's cute. I'll see you after class, High Pony.

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Listen, early birds, I'd be here earlier to warm up with you but I have a life. ...Okay, I was polishing off a bag of pita chips pre-class. SO?!

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Why, yes, Jen, I do know how to adjust my bike! Haha...wait, what does this pulley do again?

Oh. Hello. This seat is giving me more below-the-belt action than I've seen in a while.

Alright, I am ready to ri—what's that, Jen? I'll damage my knees forever if I don't lower my seat? ...I knew that.

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Knew I shouldn't have worn this top. My pits can't breathe.

Knew I shouldn't have worn these shorts. The chafing will be real.

Knew I shouldn't have worn these shoes. I'm coming out of this with like, 4 toes total.

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Those windows are tinted, right? But I feel like they're not. Jen, the street-people can see us, I swear.

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I will never be coordinated enough to spin and stretch my arms above my head. 

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Why did she just lower the lights? What exactly does that do for my struggles?

...Why is there a disco ball?

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Just nod. Nod like you know what "jumps" and "hills" and "intervals" all mean.

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Why does that woman have two towels? Does she know something I don't?

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Omg, hatethissonghatethissong HATE. THIS. SONG. [Spins faster.]

Omg, lovethissonglovethissong LOVE. THIS. SOOOOONG. [Spins faster.]

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No one has ever asked me to "pump to the beat" of "Timber" before. Gotta remember to tell the girls about this one.

[Jumps, lands in the seat wrong.] Aaaand there goes my ability to procreate.

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Don't look at the speed of the person next to you. Don't look. Don't... EASE UP, LANCE ARMSTRONG, THIS IS AN OPEN LEVEL CLASS.

I. Did not know. I had sweat glands there.

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Do I look good sweaty? Some people look good sweaty. He looks good sweaty. Do I?

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I feel like I'm burning off enough calories to date back to like, Thanksgiving Dinner...circa 1984.

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"INCREASE RESISTANCE!" [Spins hand around knob without touching it.]

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I'm actually afraid of what my ladyparts might look like after this. [Glances down.] I'm so sorry, m'am.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE TURN ON THE FANS, THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE THERE FOR, LET THEM DO THEIR JOB.

[During a sprint.] I am Beyonce. Beyonce is me. I am Beyonce. Beyonce is me.

That was not 30 seconds. In what world was that 30 seconds? Who taught you how to count seconds?!

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Jen is the woman whose parking spot I swooped on last week. I knew it. It's the only explanation for her apparent hatred and this unending torture. 

If this bike is stationary, why do I feel like I've traveled to the depths of my personal hell? 

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"Aaand ease off on the resistance, great job!" [Basically turns bike off and all but walks the hell out of there.]

Do they call it "spinning" because the room is now spinning? No? Just me?

Ahh. That wasn't so bad. Now that my heart rate's back to You Might Not Die, I may actually sort of rock at this.

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT WAS JUST THE WARM-UP?!

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