Have Better Sex Tonight
Never in the mood? Making a few simple changes to your lifestyle may be all it takes to revive your drive--and improve your health.
By Aviva Patz
At the start of your relationship, there was electricity, passion, and sex--daily, if not hourly! Years later, it's a challenge to remember the last time you were naked together. (Last Thursday--or wait, was it last month?) It's not surprising if you can't recall: Lots of committed couples aren't heating up the sheets as much as they used to, often because women have lost the urge. In one study involving nearly 1,000 women, researchers found that 65 percent of those in a relationship for a year or less reported wanting to have sex often, compared to just 26 percent of women who had been coupled up for three years. Besides taking a toll on your love life, a lack of interest in sex is bad news for your health. "Numerous studies show that people with active sex lives have fewer heart attacks, increased stamina, and a stronger immune system," says Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., a sexuality researcher in Vorhees, New Jersey, and co-author of The Science of Orgasm. Here are six real-life reasons your desire for sex may have waned, and the easy moves to help you get back in touch with your sensual side.
"I'm too stressed."
Sky-high anxiety levels can easily derail romance. "Stress raises the production of fight-or-flight hormones like cortisol, which stops the relaxation response necessary for the early stages of arousal," says Myrtle Wilhite, M.D., a sexual health researcher in Madison, Wisconsin. To lower stress hormones, squeeze in at least 30 minutes of exercise a day--and if possible, schedule your workout close to the time you plan to get horizontal. Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that women became significantly more aroused from watching an erotic film when they had exercised for 20 minutes beforehand. "Even a brisk walk can help you get turned on quicker by increasing blood flow, which heightens sensation," Wilhite explains. Bonus: Having sex is a great stress buster as well. "You'll feel more relaxed after you've made love because orgasms increase levels of the calming hormone oxytocin, which creates a soothing, sleepy feeling," says Anita Clayton, M.D., a professor in the department of psychiatry and neurobehavioral sciences at the University of Virginia and author of Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy.
"I'm bored with sex. I'd rather watch a good movie."
Few things can renew your passion for, well, passion more effectively than knowing that you have an intense climax ahead of you. Producing stronger and more pleasurable orgasms is one of the benefits of regularly exercising the pelvic floor, a sling of muscles that supports the bladder, urethra, and vagina. (They're the same muscles that allow you to stop the flow of urine midstream.) One study from the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry found that women with weak pelvic floors were less likely to have orgasms than those with strong ones. Here's how to give these muscles, which progressively weaken with age, a workout: Imagine your pelvic floor as an elevator that goes up four flights, the top level being your waist. Lift and squeeze to go up to each floor, holding for a second at every "stop." Then go down again, one floor at a time. For maximum results, repeat 10 times (they're commonly known as Kegels) two or three times a day.
To further rekindle desire, think outside the bedroom. Try recapturing the freshness of your early dating days by doing something different together. The best activities are those that get your adrenaline pumping, like riding a roller coaster, learning how to surf, or even watching an action-packed thriller. "Experiencing that heart-thumping rush physically stimulates you, enhancing your sexual connection," says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., a research professor at the University of Michigan.
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