It happened quickly. Yesterday you were dissecting his texts with your friends and angling for a third date, and today the two of you share an apartment. You both know where you’re headed—yay!—and if he hasn’t proposed yet, you’re sure he will soon.
But before you get carried away, it's time to discuss a few subjects that didn’t seem appropriate to bring up when you were just dating. Why? “You may think you’re on the same page, or that you’ll be able to work these things out down the road, but that assumption has led to a lot of unhappy marriages,” warns Karen Sherman, Ph.D., a relationship psychologist and author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last.
So don’t put it off another day: Have these three conversations now to ensure a happily ever after later.
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The “Social Life” Conversation
If he’s a social butterfly and you’re more of a homebody—or he’s all about work-life balance while you’re a workaholic—we have some bad news: Don’t expect any of that to change just because you’re hitched, according to Sherman. “I talk to a lot of couples who’d assumed one or the other would settle down socially, or would adjust his or her habits after marriage. But that usually doesn’t happen,” she explains. Don’t worry—there’s a solution: It’s all about compromise.
Just remember: “We need to talk” are the four words guys hate most, Sherman explains. So skip any prefaces and just ask him if he sees his work or social schedule changing once you’re married. If what he tells you doesn’t align with—well—what you want, then maybe he’ll agree to go out only one night a week, or you’ll promise to stop working on weekends. You both have to be willing to make allowances, Sherman says.