When you're out at 5 a.m., it's more likely that you're heading to a race than stumbling home from a bar. After months of training, you forgot that people still partied until dawn. And no, Miss Crop-Top-and-Hot-Pants, you cannot take this cab. I have a marathon to get to.
Your Friday night out takes place at a live DJ spin class. Because clubs are intolerable, and if you're going to break a sweat to EDM hits, you'll make sure it counts as a real cardio session.
You actually hand-wash your “fancy” workout clothes. It's totally justifiable to spend $150 on an outfit you sweat in at the gym if it lasts for life, no, make that ETERNITY.
Your new sexy Lululemon top also doubles as part of your date-night outfit. Let's be honest, that lace trim is more appropriate at a wine bar than it is in yoga class. Also, wearing it outside the gym further justifies previously mentioned price tag.
You're a faster runner, biker, swimmer, you name it, than you were in your 20s and maybe even teens. With maturity comes the ability to make race training a consistent priority in your busy social calendar. Plus, female endurance athletes generally peak after age 30, which is pretty sweet.
You're not warmed up until every major joint in your body has cracked. It's hard to say when it happened, but suddenly your skeleton has some major acoustics.
You've taken up scenic trail running because it's easier than pavement on your knees, er, eyes. Dem bones.
Two drinks used to start your night—and now it only takes two to end it. The good news: The money you save on cocktails can go towards your CrossFit 10-pack.
Your collection of race t-shirts has taken over an entire drawer in your dresser. If you run a half-marathon and don't have swag as evidence, did it really happen?
Massages are considered part of your “maintenance” routine. The woman at the nail salon takes a look at your battered feet and thinks one thing: upsell. "Yes, I'd love a reflexology massage!"
You have more super cute sneakers—one for running, another for lifting, and another for cross-training, etc.—than heels in your closet. At least they're practical? (Cue "oh god, I'm becoming my mother" moment.)
Your running mix on your iPod consists of “This American Life” podcasts and audiobooks. Long runs get boring, and you can only listen to Ellie Goulding so many times. (Also, you're becoming your grandfather?)
You actually pay attention to pre- and post-workout nutrition. You wouldn't want that reflux to flare up during a race...
Sundays are still for relaxing...and recovering from your long run or bike ride on Saturday. No hangovers here!
Your next girls' trip is a yoga retreat. Spring break in Cancun? Hell no. Click to tweet if you agree!
You can smell a gimmicky fitness trend that's going to flare up your plantar fasciitis a mile away. Also, when did the fitness classes at the gym start to sound so much like Stefon's favorite clubs on SNL? (You're pretty sure that Shockwave at Equinox has a bouncer and a strict door policy.)
You kinda wish the instructor would turn down the music in spin class and maybe play more Britney Spears, TLC, and Spice Girls. #TBT
You join a running club to actually improve your PR rather than to meet guys. Who needs the distraction?
Your friends don't judge you if you head to happy hour after a workout without showering. Communal showers are best left to college kids.
You easily recognize the PT moves being done on the foam roller next to you. You never thought you'd have a bad hip before age 60, but you won't let it stop you!
Younger women look at your bangin body and fresh face and are shocked by your age. That's right, bitches.
You've never felt fitter, hotter, or healthier in your life than you do right now.