You want to be more adventurous in bed—sure, but the mere thought of exploring the world of kink can be enough to make you cringe. (Where does one start?)

Here’s the thing: Most women conceive “kink” as way more intense than what it really entails, says Vanessa Marin, a psychotherapist and sex therapist. “A lot of women feel intimidated because they associate it all with the hardcore stuff,” Marin says. “But there are many different levels, some of which are quite tame,” she adds. Even good girls have fantasies, says dating coach and sexpert, Laurel House. And if you’re into exploring—to any extent!—upping the ante in bed can even improve your relationship. It opens you up to new sides of yourself you didn’t know existed.

So back to that “How do I start?” question. Here, seven less scary, more exhilarating ways to heat things up—starting tonight!

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