The most popular fantasy men discuss is a three-way, usually involving their partner and another woman, experts say. He’s committed to you, it’s just that the caveman male brain was wired to keep the species going by wanting to procreate with more than one woman—and his noggin is still programmed that way, says psychologist Mike Dow, Ph.D., co-host of Logo TV’s That Sex Show. The neurotransmitter dopamine not only controls the brain’s pleasure centers, it’s also the chemical for novelty.
The good news is you can arouse that part of his brain without inviting another woman into your bedroom (something that most experts discourage unless you are both solidly into the idea or are into swinging). Men often want to tell you their fantasies but worry you won’t be comfortable with them, Dow says, so ask in a loving, nonjudgmental way. See if there is a part of it or a version of it that you are also interested in trying. Maybe you can role-play the lawyer-by-day, stripper-by-night (hey, anything can happen in his fantasy world) woman he describes. Or consider having a “threesome” by introducing him to your battery-operated boyfriend and discovering new ways to play with your vibrator together. [Click to Tweet this!]