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Is It Normal That My Partner Watches Porn Before Sex?

We're huge fans of food porn and sneaker porn, but, obv, not all forms of porn are quite that #SFW. And if you find out that your partner watches porn (either on their own or before/during a hookup), it can make you feel a certain kind of way.

That's why we asked Shape sexpert Dr. Logan Levkoff what to do in such a sitch. Her take: If your partner's porn habits aren't getting in the way of your relationship and you're comfortable with it, just go with it! (After all, 78 percent of adult internet users either watch or download pornography, according to The Pew Research Center, so it's not exactly out-of-the-ordinary.) But if it's making your relationship more complicated (like if your partner has certain expectations of you or of sex in general), then it's time to talk about it, says Levkoff. Expecting real-life sex to be like porn-style sex is like comparing your life to a Hollywood movie, says sex educator Reid Mihalko. So take those porn star skills with a grain of salt. And if your partner can only get aroused and/or climax from porn alone? It might be a bigger issue on their part, says Levkoff, so they may want to consider seeing a sex therapist.

But there's tons of good news: You can totally watch porn together (it's a great way to spark some new heat in the sheets) or on your own. Plus, you don't have to settle for run-of-the-mill homemade porn. A new crop of video erotica is raising the standards, and is geared towards getting women hot and bothered. A Dutch company launched Dusk! TV, a female-oriented digital TV channel, specializes in porn that's actually respectful to women and features real people. Sites like Vivid.com, GoodVibrationsVOD.com, LustCinema.com, and HerPorn are all good resources too, says Tristan Taormino, a sex educator, pornographer, and award-winning author.

And if you really can't get comfortable with any of the porn happenings, just turn on professional tennis. (No, really—we put random people to the test and it sounds basically the same as porn.)

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