How's your sex life been lately?
If you and your partner are constantly stressed about work, family, or money, you may feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and sex is probably the last thing on your mind. Perhaps you're not stressed about anything in particular, but you've just become too comfortable with your partner. You know everything about him and can finish his sentences before he even opens his mouth. Everything about him is familiar—including your sex life. Or maybe you just find yourself caring less and less about having sex as your relationship continues.
What you do outside the bedroom has a huge impact on your life inside the bedroom. Your brain is the biggest sex organ you have, and if you're unhappy about other aspects of your relationship, your sex life will suffer too. That's the premise of actress Lisa Rinna and noted sex therapist Ian Kerner's new book, The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book. Both Rinna, who has been vocal about her own past sexual problems, and Kerner believe that a great, active sex life is part of a healthy relationship. So if your formerly sizzling sex life has fallen by the wayside, this book is for you! We sat down with Rinna to get a few of her favorite tips from the book on how to put the sex back in your sex life.
1. Give your partner a hug. "It really works!" Rinna says. "Once or twice a day, just stop what you're doing and give each other a 30-second hug. It may seem long at first, and your mind might start wandering, but don't give in." Both non-sexual and sexual touch can release oxytocin, the feel-good transmitter linked to emotional intimacy, relaxation, attachment, and bonding, in men and women and help you to feel more connected to each other.
2. Talk about it. "Sit down with your partner and ask him or her what turns them on," Rinna says. "I think we're afraid of sex. Women especially are taught that it's not something you should talk about. Sex feels good! It's healthy. Don't be afraid to talk about it."
3. Throw yourself a party. "Take time for yourself," Rinna says. "Get away from everything for a bit if you can." In her book, Rinna recommends exercising, taking a bubble bath, having a glass of wine, or reading a book as ways to rejuvenate and recharge your batteries. If none of those appeal to you, find something that does and try and take 10 or 20 minutes every day and indulge yourself. Rinna and Kerner also recommend carving out some time for you and your partner to spend together not necessarily having sex, but doing things together that you enjoy, such as a date night or going on a short vacation.
4. Give your bedroom a makeover. Experts often recommend that you use your bedroom for two things: sleeping and sex. With a few simple tips, you can give your boudoir a makeover. Even simply rearranging some of the furniture or clearing out the clutter can help. The idea is to make it as inviting as possible.
5. Give and take. "This should be a safe area for you guys," Rinna says. "It's important to work together to find the best ways for you to connect."