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The Real Reason You Can't Orgasm During Sex

Orgasms are a ~*magical*~ thing, and if you aren't having them, it can feel pretty crappy. When you can't orgasm during sex it can leave you feeling unsatisfied, frustrate both you and your partner, and, ICYMI, you can get blue balls (well, blue vulva). Yes, really.

But if you're missing out on the big O, you're not alone. SHAPE's sexpert, Dr. Logan Levkoff, says it's estimated that 70 percent of women don't have regular orgasms during vaginal sex. And according to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, only 64 percent of women had an orgasm during their most recent sexual encounter (whether it was vaginal sex, oral sex, hand stuff, etc.). That's probably why so many women—about 80 percent, according to this study from the U.K.—admit to faking an orgasm at least half the time.

The thing is, there's no need to fake it or feel pressured to orgasm during sex. In fact, the more you stress about having an orgasm, the less likely you are to actually have one. You could just need more clitoral stimulation (which is typically needed to ensure an orgasm), says Levkoff. Something else might work for you besides vaginal sex (like a vibrator or oral sex), or perhaps there's a non-sex issue getting in the way (like high stress or lack of sleep). If you're having trouble getting off entirely, and you'be tried all the other methods, there's a chance you're one of 10 to 15 percent of women who have anorgasmia, the inability to reach orgasm after adequate sexual stimulation.

Before you freak out about your missing Os, try tweaking these basic sex positions to increase your pleasure or #treatyoself to a solo sesh where you can really get know what you like. If you're truly concerned, see your doc. Otherwise, just keep this golden rule of sex in mind: *everyone is different.* Find out what works for you, and you know, do it. Happy climaxing!

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