We’ve all been there. After a few dates with a guy, you feel like this could lead to something, when suddenly he falls off the face of the earth. Or it’s been months—he’s even uttered the word “girlfriend”—and out of nowhere he says he’s not ready for a relationship. You’re left wondering what went wrong and analyzing (and reanalyzing and reanalyzing) things with your friends.

Deep breath. While we’ll never be able to fully understand guys (and we probably wouldn’t want to), you can learn from these moments. We found 10 women in your situation and asked experts to give their insights on what happened so you can dodge future dating disasters.

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