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Finding Myself

I'm 21 Years old, recently married, and thorouchly unhappy with my body. When I was younger I was super skinny, and could eat anything I wanted, but then when I hit my sophomore year of high school things started to change and the pounds came on.

It wasn't that bad at first, and then about a year ago I had some serious bouts with anxiety and depression. The meds, along with stress eating, caused rapid weight gain and unsightly stretch mearks that make it embarrassing to wear short sleeves, let alone anything sleeveless. Now I'm off the meds, and have the anxiety under control, and I'm tired of being embarrassed about my body.

My husband won't say anything, but I know he misses how I looked when we first started dating. Mind you, I was already about thirty pounds over my ideal weight back then as well.

I'm making real efforts now, and I'm hoping that if I keep up a daily blog then maybe that will help keep me honest in my diet and workout routines. I want to be able to wear a bikini, I've never worn one before and I want to be able to wear something sexy for my husband and be confidant about my appearance.

I'm planning on making a grocery store trip either tomorrow or Thursday, so I can get the foods necessary for my planned diet. I have a couple of work out videos queued up from Netflix on my Wii and I will be giving those a test tomorrow.

Right now my energy level is next to nothing, so I'm hoping if I start with some more soothing yoga and light aerobics that I can bring my energy level up.

My I currently weigh about 220lbs, and am 5'5" tall. This puts my BMI well into the obese range, and that fact alone makes me sick to my stomach. I don't currently own a proper scale (been using my Wii Balance Board as a scale and I'm not entirely sure it's accurate) so I'll probably buy one when I go for groceries.

I want to be skinny, healthy, confident, and happy. I want to feel attractive, and I want to see that devious glint in my husband's eyes again.

That's all for now.


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