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A Super Easy Guide to Losing Weight and Getting Healthy for Good


Another day, another confusing study showing you how you're living life wrong. If it's not new research that suggests that organic food really is better for you than non-organic food, it's another study that suggests you're a jerk if you eat organic. Except it doesn't matter because actually, it's not healthier for you! GMOs for everyone!

No doubt: The research out there is confusing, so if you're looking for an easy-to-follow, practical guide to losing weight, look no further, because we have you covered. Just do these things, and you're guaranteed to live a happy, healthy, long, full life at your desired weight forever. Easy-peasy.

1. Don't get too cold. Research suggests that people who keep the ambient temperature of their home above 73 degrees tend to be thinner than those who don't. 

2. Don't get too hot. Oh, wait, the cold might help you burn more fat. Turning up the heat might actually be causing you to get fatter. If there's one thing you should do today, it's turn down your heat right now. 

3. Don't sit. Ever. Sitting has been linked to an increased risk of stroke, heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and early death. Never let your bum hit a chair. Just make sure to stand at all times like this New York magazine writer did

4. Exercise, but not too much. A recently published study shows that regular exercise could buffer some of the effects of sitting all day. Now's the perfect time to take up cardio, such as running. Yes—running is good! Just don't run all the time, because after a certain threshold running makes you less healthy

5. Skip breakfast. Forget everything you've ever heard about breakfast being the most important meal of the day. It's not even the most important meal of your week. In fact, eating breakfast might be causing you to consume more calories than you think, leading to weight gain

6. On second thought, eat breakfast. Huh? Well, you see, people who eat breakfast tend to weigh less than those who don't. But make sure you're eating the right one, otherwise, don't bother.  

7. Drink alcohol. In moderation, alcohol can be heart-healthy and has anti-aging benefits. It may even help you live longer! 

8. Don't drink, ever. Put down that beer! Are you trying to destroy your liver? Don't you know alcohol is a leading killer worldwide?

9. Eat whatever diet you want. It's lack of exercise, not a poor diet, that leads to obesity, or so says a new study. Trash your calorie calculator and snack away! (Just make sure you're not making these 10 snacking mistakes that cause weight gain.) 

10. Don't eat anything. Never mind; don't eat. Intermittent fasters, unite! 

Disclaimer: Obviously the research on health, diet, fitness, and weight loss is constantly evolving (as it should be!). As you'll notice, we've reported on a lot of these conflicting studies, because we believe it's important to keep as up-to-date and current on these topics as possible, but this piece was written to highlight the fact that even health editors get frustrated with the constant barrage of contradictory research presented and is not to be taken as anything more than a joke.


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