Beanie Feldstein Opened Up About Grieving Her Late Brother Jordan
Beanie Feldstein is still mourning the loss of her brother, Jordan.
Jordan, a music manager for artists including Maroon 5, died in 2017 of pulmonary thromboembolism, which is a blood clot that originated in the leg and migrated into his lung. He was just 40 years old.
In a new interview with The Sunday Times, Feldstein opened up about mourning Jordan, explaining, "The only thing that I'd ever want in speaking about [my grief] is that other people feel less alone. I want people to know that they're not alone in their pain because it's something that doesn't go away."
The American Crime Story: Impeachment star continued, "It morphs, but it doesn't change, that's the only way I can describe it ... It's such a complex feeling that to boil it down to a few sentences feels not enough."
Feldstein, 28, previously described the grief of losing Jordan as a pair of glasses "strapped to [her] face" that makes her see the world totally differently.
"That is the aspect of grief I had no idea was coming. This monumental shift in perspective," she wrote in an essay for InStyle in April 2019. "Not only does the world become so much deeper and more painful, but sometimes unbelievably alive with joy and gratitude. And those two previously opposing concepts are now merged, now barely distinguishable. There is a whole new layer of my own personhood, but also a broadened humanity, that I could not see before. These glasses that were forced on me, grudgingly gave me the ability to see and appreciate a more intricate understanding of this vast world we live in."(Related: Why It's So Important to Understand Grief During Coronavirus)
Two things Feldstein finds joy and gratitude in today are her body of work and her own physical body, the latter of which she was previously worried would lead her to be typecast. She told The Sunday Times that on principle, she refused to ever play the role of Tracy Turnblad in the musical Hairspray because she was concerned with being pigeonholed into certain roles.
"It was at a very young age that I started to nudge up against this idea that kept subliminally being fed to me, and put a very sour taste in my mouth," she said. "It really made me feel like the walls were closing in and, like, this is such a narrow understanding of who I can be and what I can do. And I don't accept that."
Feldstein, who will star in the first Broadway revival of Funny Girl since Barbra Streisand originated the part in 1964, accepts and loves her "very beautiful" body as is. (Related: Beanie Feldstein, Lana Condor, and More Change-Makers Join Forces as Aerie's New Brand Ambassadors)
"I have my insecure moments," Feldstein told The Sunday Times. "But society's notion of what a body is supposed to look like became so uninteresting to me."
Feldstein adopted a mantra that's perfect for her, and one the masses would be wise to potentially use as well. "In some ways, it applies to your body, but it can apply to your personality or anything." Preach!