“Sometimes reaching for your medication is like picking up a 60kg (132 lb) dumbbell that I don’t feel like picking up and I don’t know why.”

By Megan Falk
March 05, 2020

If you had to pick one hashtag to describe Chrissy Teigen’s life, #NoFilter would be the most fitting choice. The queen of candor has shared the veins on her post-pregnancy boobs on Twitter, opened up about her plastic surgery, and even showed off her stretch marks in a bikini. On top of being candid about the photos she's posted, Teigen's also been vocal about, well, everything from the craziness that is Love Is Blind (preach, girl) to the current state of the union. 

But Teigen just revealed the most vulnerable side of herself yet.

In a recent interview with Glamour UK, the 35-year-old star opened up details about her struggles with her body image and her mental health. At 18-years-old, weigh-ins and body measurements were an unavoidable part of the model job description, and so for the following decade, her personal routine included stepping on the scale every morning, afternoon, and night, Teigen told Glamour UK. By age 20, she had a breast augmentation to achieve the round, firm, and perky breasts that would fill out a swimsuit top as she "laid on [her] back" posing, she said. Now 14 years later, Teigen’s outlook on her physical appearance is more loving than critical.

“I do look at [my body] in the shower and think, ‘Arghhh, these kids’. But I don’t take the aesthetics so seriously now. It's very fulfilling not having that pressure of putting on a swimsuit and looking good for a magazine while running around on a beach, which I did when I was modeling,” Teigen said in the interview. “I don’t feel like my body is where I’m going to be sh*tty to myself, either. I’m already thinking enough things I am mad at myself about, I can’t add my body into it.”

It's this quintessential honesty that makes Teigen so relatable—and that she brings to every conversation, no matter how challenging. Case in point? Her long-lasting battle with mental health. Teigen told the magazine that her high school days were riddled with anxiety, and her post-grad years were marked with the overwhelming feeling of I don’t know what I want to do with my life. (Related: 9 Celebrities Who Are Vocal About Mental Health Issues)

Though she met with therapists, Teigen says she ultimately stopped because she thought what she was experiencing was “normal twenty-something anxiety." Fast forward to three months after giving birth to daughter Luna and Teigen was diagnosed with postpartum depression. Only then, while living “a flatline of life," did something finally click, she told Glamour UK.

“I realized when I was finally comfortable and knew where I was going in life and had every reason to be happy, that clearly something was going on,” she told the magazine. “...I didn’t know [depression] could sneak up so late or that it could happen to someone like me, where I have all the resources. I had nannies and my mom living with us.”

Three and a half years—and another child—later, Teigen admits she still grapples with her anxiety and depression. Some days it’s a battle to take a shower, others she’ll sleep for 12 hours and still feel exhausted. “I’ll tell John, ‘Deep down, I know I am happy.’ But I think anyone with anxiety knows it’s physically painful to think about doing things,” she said. “Sometimes reaching for your medication is like picking up a 60kg (132 lb) dumbbell that I don’t feel like picking up and I don’t know why.”

But Teigen is learning to cope—in her own way. While she's tried traditional therapy—"I go three times and I feel ridiculous"—she prefers turning to her friends "all day, every day" for support. "That's my therapy now, being able to talk to them," Teigen explained. And rather than searching for energy and life at a doctor’s office, Teigen's finding it in the kitchen. "Cooking doesn't care who you are, you burn sh*t just the same," she told Glamour UK. (Related: 4 Essential Mental Health Lessons Everyone Should Know, According to a Psychologist)

Now more than ever, Teigen’s transparency about her most intimate life challenges serves as a reminder for women everywhere that it’s OK to feel like you’re falling apart—even when your world seems so put together.

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