Because marathons are essentially hours of physically demanding alone time with your brain.

By Lauren Mazzo
Updated: October 17, 2017

1. You got this.

You are prepared. This is your moment.

2. Did I see that girl in the Olympics?!

That's it. I'm going home.

3. Great, now I have nervous pee.

I JUST peed 5 minutes ago. YOU ARE A LIE, NERVOUS PEE.

4. IT'S STARTING. Ok, let's do this.

Starting strong. We're Gucci, let's kill this.

5. Mile 1: Mile numero uno woo! Only ….25 miles left.

Am I a complete crazy person for doing this?

6. Mile 3: Honestly that energy gel drowning in sweat in my sports bra is sounding better and better.

Is it bad that I'm already hungry?

7. Mile 5: Oooooh water! …but I don't want to have to pee again.

Plus, my emergency toilet paper is a soggy mess in my sports bra. Yum.

8. The act of running while drinking is a talent I definitely have not mastered.

I'll tackle that during my next marathon… LOL as if there's going to be another one.

9. Mile 7: BEYONCE SONG. Yas. Queen.

I slay. I slay.

10. Mile 10: this is amazing.

Literally the best thing I've ever done. I am an actual superhuman. I could do this all day.

11. Mile 15: …maybe not alllllll day.

"Time goes by, so slowly..."

12. Mile 16: FREE POPSICLES.

Psshh… my rents did not know what was good when they told me to not take food from strangers.

13. Aaannnd now I'm sticky.

Greatttt. 10 more miles feeling like the Kool-Aid man just dumped on me.

14. On second thought...

...saving it for later?

15. Mile 18: My friend said she'd be at mile 18. WHERE THE EFF IS SHE?

Did she ditch? If she ditched I will never speak to her again. It's over. BFF no more.

16. Whooooop, there she is! GFBF. Great freaking best friend.

How will I ever repay her for being here for me? AND SHE HAS SNACKS.

17. Someone should call the fire department, because I am smoking up in here.

Hellooo second wind.


Who put a sprinkler here? Someone should give them a medal. First Place to the sprinkler guy.

19. Mile 20: If I see one more "go faster" sign, I'm going to grab it and stomp all over it.

Are you even moving, bro? I bet you've never even run ONE mile.

20. Mile 21: are you guys eating doughnuts? THAT IS JUST CRUEL.

DO-NUT EAT THAT IN FRONT OF ME! (chuckles to self… am I delirious?)

21. Mile 24: is that guy handing out beer? He is… eff it. I'm having some.

Instant regret.

22. Mile 26: HOME STRETCH. 0.2 MILES LEFT.

So. damn. close.

23. Holy $&%@ this is the longest .02 miles I've ever run in my entire life.

I mean how bad would it be if I just ducked out right now? Whoever decided to make it 26.2 miles is just cruel.

24. Finish line, I see you!!!! Is that pizza? At the end?

Oh, nope that's a mirage. God, what I would do for pizza right now.



26. Ok, so who's going to carry me home?


Comments (1)

December 28, 2018
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