Because marathons are essentially hours of physically demanding alone time with your brain.
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1. You got this.

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You are prepared. This is your moment.

2. Did I see that girl in the Olympics?!

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That's it. I'm going home.

3. Great, now I have nervous pee.

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I JUST peed 5 minutes ago. YOU ARE A LIE, NERVOUS PEE.

4. IT'S STARTING. Ok, let's do this.

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Starting strong. We're Gucci, let's kill this.

5. Mile 1: Mile numero uno woo! Only ….25 miles left.

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Am I a complete crazy person for doing this?

6. Mile 3: Honestly that energy gel drowning in sweat in my sports bra is sounding better and better.

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Is it bad that I'm already hungry?

7. Mile 5: Oooooh water! …but I don't want to have to pee again.

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Plus, my emergency toilet paper is a soggy mess in my sports bra. Yum.

8. The act of running while drinking is a talent I definitely have not mastered.

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I'll tackle that during my next marathon… LOL as if there's going to be another one.

9. Mile 7: BEYONCE SONG. Yas. Queen.

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I slay. I slay.

10. Mile 10: this is amazing.

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Literally the best thing I've ever done. I am an actual superhuman. I could do this all day.

11. Mile 15: …maybe not alllllll day.

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"Time goes by, so slowly..."

12. Mile 16: FREE POPSICLES.

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Psshh… my rents did not know what was good when they told me to not take food from strangers.

13. Aaannnd now I'm sticky.

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Greatttt. 10 more miles feeling like the Kool-Aid man just dumped on me.

14. On second thought...

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...saving it for later?

15. Mile 18: My friend said she'd be at mile 18. WHERE THE EFF IS SHE?

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Did she ditch? If she ditched I will never speak to her again. It's over. BFF no more.

16. Whooooop, there she is! GFBF. Great freaking best friend.

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How will I ever repay her for being here for me? AND SHE HAS SNACKS.

17. Someone should call the fire department, because I am smoking up in here.

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Hellooo second wind.

18. ALERT, THERE IS A SPRINKLER. I REPEAT: A SPRINKLER.

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Who put a sprinkler here? Someone should give them a medal. First Place to the sprinkler guy.

19. Mile 20: If I see one more "go faster" sign, I'm going to grab it and stomp all over it.

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Are you even moving, bro? I bet you've never even run ONE mile.

20. Mile 21: are you guys eating doughnuts? THAT IS JUST CRUEL.

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DO-NUT EAT THAT IN FRONT OF ME! (chuckles to self… am I delirious?)

21. Mile 24: is that guy handing out beer? He is… eff it. I'm having some.

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Instant regret.

22. Mile 26: HOME STRETCH. 0.2 MILES LEFT.

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So. damn. close.

23. Holy $&%@ this is the longest .02 miles I've ever run in my entire life.

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I mean how bad would it be if I just ducked out right now? Whoever decided to make it 26.2 miles is just cruel.

24. Finish line, I see you!!!! Is that pizza? At the end?

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Oh, nope that's a mirage. God, what I would do for pizza right now.

25. HELL YEAH I JUST DID THAT.

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LET'S DO ANOTHER ONE.

26. Ok, so who's going to carry me home?

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