Hilariously Honest Fitness Confessions
Ever think you won't make it to the end of your workout? These women can relate—and their solutions are LOL-funny.
Whether you're shaking it in Zumba, owning the leaderboard in Flywheel, or kicking butt in kickboxing, fitness classes can be one of the best ways to get fit. They can also remind you of your maybe-not-so-great experiences in high school gym class. Thankfully we're all adults now and have learned how to deal with strangers, sweat, and 8-counts in a mature and reasonable manner. Well, some of us. Check out these real-life confessions to see what secretly goes on in the minds of our of your classmates. Who knows, you could even get some ideas for your next class, or, at the very least, get in a good laugh.
I made up a fake yoga technique.
"I was visiting a friend in L.A. and she took me with her to her high-end yoga studio for a class. When the teacher asked me if I'd done it before I said yes. I'd done yoga in the past but just at the community center and I was in no way prepared for the hour-and-a-half hot yoga class that followed. After screwing up the whole class, on the way out the teacher asked me what type of yoga I normally did. I was super embarrassed so I mumbled a made-up Indian-sounding word. 'I've never heard of that style,' she said. 'I'll have to look it up.' I ran out of there as fast as I could." -Bethany N., 28, New York City
I motivate myself with food porn.
"I get through a killer workout by thinking about what delicious food I'm going eat after-which can totally defeat the purpose of working out, I know. But I love food! I recently ran my first 5k and my friends made me a sign that said, 'mmmm...Fettuccine Alfredo' to cheer me on. It was perfect." -Traci L., 34, Tarzana, California
I've faked a disability.
"In my lifetime I have only attended one workout class. I am just too klutzy. When everyone went left, I went right. When they bent down, I was jumping up. After the third time that I bumped into the lady next to me and got a dirty look, I apologized and said the only thing I could think of in that moment: I told her I so bad because I was dyslexic. I don't even know why I said that; I was just so embarrassed. She immediately became very compassionate and tried to help me. I never had the courage to admit it was not true, not to mention that it didn't even make any sense-dyslexia has no bearing on activity." -Linda H., 39, Wilmington, North Carolina (Dance cardio can be intimidating, but there are serious health benefits to this kind of exercise.)
I cover my farts by coughing.
"I'm just going to say it: There are some yoga poses that make me front fart. If I feel one coming, I fake a coughing fit to cover it up. The only problem is my friends know what I'm doing so now every time I cough they laugh like crazy. It's so not zen." -Mari P., 27, Cady, Texas
I imagine I'm a hero.
"When I'm beat and trying to get to the end of my workout, sometimes I imagine that my kids are seriously wounded and I'm running to save them. I even picture their little faces. Mom Adrenaline kicks in and I can give it one last burst of effort." -Meghan S., 32, Houston, Texas
I made a DIY unitard to prevent flashings.
"I have a problem with my workout pants slowly sliding down during kickboxing and sometimes I don't notice it right away. So now I keep safety pins in my bag and at the start of class I pin my top to my bottoms. It mostly works, except for the time I did a deep squat and the pin popped open and jabbed me in the butt. Note to fitness clothing manufacturers: Make better pants for girls with big butts!" -Emily R., 28, Atlanta, Georgia (Right? I mean you've been putting in the hard work on all those squats!)
I bring my own kind of special energy snacks.
"I always keep a pack of Sour Skittles in my gym bag and sneak a few during my boot camp class. It gives me a quick boost of energy. Yeah I know, I'm eating candy at the gym (during my workout-gasp!) but energy gels are basically straight sugar anyhow and Skittles taste way better." -Brooke M., 33, Minneapolis, Minnesota (On the other hand, these foods can actually slow down your workout instead.)
I camouflage my camel toe with a panty liner.
"I don't know why but there is something about my lady parts that makes them particularly showy and every time I wear tight capris I get major camel toe. A friend tipped me off to putting a panty liner in the front of the crotch and it totally works. No more camel toe! Now I keep a stack of them handy and wear one for every workout." -Ashley L., 26, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
I sneak into the gym.
"Sometimes I run behind some plants at the entry to my gym so I can sneak by the reception desk when I haven't been in the gym for a while. I mean it's nice that they know who I am but I always feel so guilty when they say 'Where you been? It's been sooo long!' It's like they know I've been binge watching Game of Thrones and eating Doritos." -Allison D., 28, San Diego, California
I've thought about sex during class.
"My husband was away on an extended business trip and I knew he was coming back later that week. At the gym I got through my classes by counting down the days, chanting in my mind 'Two more days 'til sex!' It was a great reunion later and all the core work I'd been doing definitely paid off." -Cassie S., 26, Boston, Massachusetts (This makes sense because, after all, exercise helps boost your libido.)
I wear Spanx under my gym clothes.
"To help me get over feeling self-conscious at the gym, I bought a black compression leotard and I wear it under my workout clothes. It makes me feel like I have tight abs and smooths out any bumps because Spandex hides nothing! And if anyone sees it they'll think it's just a tank top." -Mel S., 31, Denver, Colorado