Newsflash: Loving your body should never mean hating on someone else's. So can everyone stop being jerks about women's bodies already?
Even though the body-positivity and self-love movements have gained incredible traction, there is still a lot of work to be done—even within our own community. While we see more positive, supportive comments on our social media posts than negative, shame-y ones, even one instance of body-shaming is one too many. And let's be clear, there's more than one. We see comments saying the women we feature on our site and social media platforms are too fit, too big, too small, you name it.
And it stops now.
Shape is a safe place for women of all shapes, sizes, colors, and levels of ability. For years, we've been working hard to encourage women to embrace their bodies and be proud of who they are. And while we're all about that internal love (check out #LoveMyShape for more on that), our observations are showing us that we need to advocate for taking those same principles of acceptance, love, and tolerance and applying them externally, too. Translation: While you should 100 percent keep working toward loving your body, it's equally important to not be a jerk to those who look different than you do. That last part is crucial, so read it again if you need to: No more being a jerk about other women's bodies.
Now, we know what you're thinking: Me?! I'd never. Thing is, you don't need to be a troll living in a basement to make a rude comment about someone else's body. We see plenty of seemingly "innocent" comments all the time. Things like, "I'm just worried about her health" or "I just wish she wouldn't wear that." Here's why that's still a problem:
The Real Impact of Body-Shaming
"I've been body-shamed on social media and in person," says Jacqueline Adan, a body-positivity advocate who lost 350 pounds. "I've been pointed and laughed at, and I get asked all the time what's wrong with my body; why it looks so 'bad and so ugly.' I get told to cover it up because it is disgusting and no one wants to see it."
Comments on our recent arm challenge Facebook video of Kira Stokes, celebrity trainer and creator of The Stoked Method, made it clear that fitness professionals are told that there's something wrong with their bodies, too—that they're not doing things the "right" way or taking care of themselves "properly." What you don't see in the video or the comments? Stokes doesn't expect others to look or be as fit as she is—she's been strong and consistent with fitness for her entire life, and she knows everyone else is on their own personal journey. "I often use the hashtag #doyou on my social posts, because I'm not saying this has to be you or you need to look like me. I'm saying do what works for you."
Morit Summers, a certified personal trainer and CrossFit coach, has experienced shaming too. "People who make comments about other people's health on the internet are always assuming that because a person weighs more than the next person, they're unhealthy," Summers says. Summers often receives comments questioning her fitness even though she's qualified trainer.
Why People Do It
"There's a size range for women that the public has deemed acceptable, and anything over or under that range is open for public shaming," says Katie Willcox, the model behind the Healthy Is the New Skinny social movement, and CEO of Natural Model Management. "I used to sell swimwear and posted an image of myself in a swimsuit that received only positive comments. Then, I posted one of our models from Natural Models who is 2 sizes larger and curvier than I am in the exact same swimsuit, and she was ripped apart in the comments. Everything from 'She's unhealthy' to 'Is obesity the new skinny?' and 'She shouldn't wear that.'"
Has anyone else noticed that when a woman posts a photo in a swimsuit that it is almost a requirement to post a caption about their bodies? Or inspirational quote? One thing I have noticed is that what may have started as a way to bring a sort of normality to seeing different types of bodies has turned into a strange quest for validation and likes that blurs the lines between having a female form, being sexual, and what is vs isn't inspiring for girls and women. It is really difficult to navigate but I think it is a conversation worth having. For me, I am comfortable in my body and I feel there is beauty in the female form that we should not have to hide. That being said I also feel that if we are comfortable in our skin then we should reach a point where we can unapologetically post an image without needing a disclaimer of "I am doing this because I love myself." Maybe that is the case but maybe you just like the photo? Maybe you love the swimsuit? Maybe you challenged yourself to post a pic that wasn't perfect? Maybe you want the likes or validation? The point being that I think we should own what we are and how we portray ourselves without feeling the need to justify it by saying we are posting our bodies to be an inspiration. I am posting this because I love this suit by @cocoreefswim and I had an amazing time in Tulum! That's it. What do you think? Should we just own what we post vs mixing in messaging that doesn't always correlate? Share in the comments below! #healthyisthenewskinny #realtalk #inspiration #whatisinspiring
There's also something called attribution theory that factors in here. Simply put, people tend to blame others for things that they see as within their control. "When it comes to body-shaming, this means that people try to identify whether the causes of body nonconformity lie with the individual or something outside of the individual's control," says Samantha Kwan, Ph.D., a sociologist and author of Embodied Resistance: Challenging the Norms, Breaking the Rules. "So if a woman is perceived to be 'overweight' because she lacks the willpower to eat 'properly' and exercise regularly, she will be evaluated less positively than a woman who is perceived as 'overweight' because of a glandular condition."
That means the thought process of body-shaming an overweight person goes something like this: First, the shamer thinks: "Okay, this person is fat and it's probably their fault because they're doing something wrong." Then—and this is the most effed-up part—instead of just sitting with that thought and minding their own business, they decide to "do" something about it. Why? Because America hates fat women. Are you taking up too much space and not apologizing for it? Society at large says you deserve to be taken down a notch, because women are supposed to "have it all" while making themselves as small and unobtrusive as possible.
In other words, if the way your nonconforming body looks is perceived as "your fault," then people see body-shaming comments as a way to hold you "responsible" for your actions. And while women who are considered "fat" undeniably bear the brunt of the body-shaming, no female body is immune from shame, precisely for the same reason. "The same could be said about skinny shaming," Kwan points out. "They too have made supposedly poor choices, even though, for example, anorexia nervosa is a serious disorder and is not simply about making poor eating choices."
Lastly, we've noticed that confidence seems to serve as an invitation for body-shaming. Take the totally badass Jessamyn Stanley. We featured this photo to showcase a strong, focused, fitness influencer we love, but we still saw a few comments complaining about her body's appearance. This made us wonder: What is it exactly about an amazing, confident woman that people just can't handle? "Women are supposed to act and behave a certain way," Kwan says. So the more confident a woman is, the more shamers feel a need to put her back in her place, she says. By not being docile, subservient, and most importantly ashamed of their bodies, confident women are prime targets for criticism.
No, You Don't Care About Her "Health"
"All forms of external validation are fleeting. Until you can find a sense of worth that comes from within yourself, you'll continue to feel the same way about your body. So give yourself the gift of knowing your worth and prepare for it to change your life in unimaginable ways." @nolatrees. . . Yoga guru Dana Falsetti shares why she wants women to stop listening to society's expectations and how to find peace within themselves. Tap the link in bio for more.
One of the most common themes we see in body-shaming comments is, ironically, health. Take the photo we recently featured from Dana Falsetti, a writer, yoga teacher, and activist. When we decided to repost her photo (above), we saw a strong, awesome woman showing off her incredible yoga skills, and we wanted to share that with our community. Sadly, not everyone was on the same page. We saw comments along the lines of "I'm fine with bigger bodies, but I'm just worried about her health." While many other commenters were quick to defend Falsetti, we were disappointed to see people being hurtful, especially in the name of "health."
First off, it's scientifically proven that body-shaming doesn't make people healthier. Research shows that fat-shaming actually makes people more likely to develop unhealthy habits around food, and studies have shown that it doesn't help people lose weight.
And really—who are you kidding? Do you actually care about a complete stranger's health that much? Be real, you want to say something because you're uncomfortable. Looking at people who are happy, confident, and don't fit into your learned standard of what's healthy or beautiful makes you feel weird. Why? Women being unafraid to take up space drives people crazy because it goes against everything they were taught about what's acceptable in terms of both behavior and appearance. After all, if you can't allow yourself to be fat and happy, why should anyone else be allowed? Newsflash: You, too, can be happy and comfortable with your own body and a variety of other types of bodies if you challenge your preconceived notions about what "healthy" and "happy" look like.
In reality, skinny doesn't automatically equal healthy, and fat doesn't automatically equal unhealthy. Some research even suggests that overweight women who exercise are healthier than skinny women who don't (yes, it's possible to be fat and fit). Think about it this way: "You can't look at me and know a single thing about my health," Falsetti says. "Can you be certain somebody is a smoker, drinker, has an eating disorder, is dealing with MS, or has cancer just by looking at them? Nope. So we can't deduce health based on what we can see, and even if said person is unhealthy, they still deserve your respect."
That's the most important point of all: "I don't need to be healthy to be respected," Falsetti says. "I don't need to be healthy to ask I be treated as human, as equal. All people deserve respect whether they are healthy or not, whether they have an eating disorder or not, whether they are suffering from silent illnesses or not."
What Needs to Change
"Body-shaming will only stop when we tackle it structurally," Kwan says. "It's not just about individual behavioral change, but large-scale, cultural and social institutional change." Among the things that need to happen are greater diversity in media images, across the categories of skin tones, height, body size, facial features, hair textures, and more. "We need a new 'normal' about our cultural beauty ideals. Just as important, we need to work toward equality in all forms where bodies, particularly women's bodies, are not objects of control and where people feel safe to express their gender and sexual identities," Kwan says.
At the same time, we see it as our responsibility to provide action items for our community so that we can all work toward ending body-shaming. We asked our panel of body-shaming experts what members of our community can do to fight body-shaming on an individual level. Here's what they said.
Defend victims. "If you see someone is being shamed, take two seconds to send them some love," Willcox says. "We are women and love is our superpower, so don't be afraid to use it."
Check your internal bias. Maybe you wouldn't leave a nasty comment about someone else's body, but you sometimes catch yourself thinking thoughts that perpetuate body-shaming. If you ever find yourself thinking something judgmental about someone else's body, eating habits, exercise routine, or anything else—check yourself. "The best way to keep your judgments in check is to encourage empathy," says Robi Ludwig, Psy.D. "If you have a judgmental thought, you can choose to ask yourself where this thought is coming from."
Treat your comments like your posts. "People spend so much time filtering their photos, yet they're totally unfiltered in their comments," Stokes points out. What if we all used that kind of care when we left comments on other people's posts? Before you post a comment, do an internal checklist of the motivations behind it, and you're likely to avoid saying anything that could hurt someone else.
Keep doing you. As hard as it is, if you're the one being body-shamed, don't let the haters get you down. "I find that continuing to be yourself and continuing to live your life the way you want makes the biggest impact," Adan says. "You are brave, you are strong, you are beautiful, and how you feel about yourself is all that matters. You'll never be able to please everyone, so why not just do what makes you happy?"
#MindYourOwnShape shows the REAL effects of body-shaming and encourages women to stand together against body-shamers. Because loving your body should never mean hating on someone else's.