I Was Terrified to Work Out In Shorts, But I Was Finally Able to Face My Biggest Fear

My legs have been my biggest insecurity for as long as I can remember. Even after losing 300 pounds over the past seven years, I still struggle to embrace my legs, especially because of the loose skin my extreme weight loss has left behind.

You see, my legs are where I've always held most of my weight. Before and after my weight loss, just now, it's extra skin weighing me down. Every time I lift my leg or step up, the extra skin adds additional tension and weight and pulls on my body. My hips and knees have given out more times than I can count. Because of that constant tension, I'm always in pain. But most of my resentment toward my legs comes from simply hating the way they look.

Throughout my weight loss journey, there has never been a moment when I've looked in the mirror and said, "oh my gosh, my legs have changed so much, and I'm actually learning to love them". For me, they went from worse to, well, worse. But I know I'm my hardest critic and that my legs might look different to me than they do anyone else. Even though I could sit here all day and preach about how the loose skin on my legs is a battle wound from all the hard work I've put into gaining back my health, that wouldn't be entirely honest. Yes, my legs have carried me through the most challenging parts of my life, but at the end of the day, they make me extremely self-conscious and I knew deep down that I had to do something to get over that.

Deciding to Go for It

When you're on a weight loss journey like mine, goals are key. One of my biggest goals has always been to go to the gym and work out in shorts for the first time. That goal came to the forefront earlier this year when I decided it was time to get skin removal surgery on my legs. I kept thinking about how amazing I would feel both physically and emotionally and wondered if, after surgery, I'd finally feel comfortable enough to go to the gym in shorts. (

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how crazy that was. I was basically telling myself to wait—again—for something I'd been dreaming of doing for years. And for what? Because I felt that if my legs looked different, I'd finally have the confidence and courage I needed to go out there with bare limbs? It took weeks of conversations with myself for me to realize that waiting several more months to accomplish a goal that I could achieve today, wasn't right. It wasn't fair to my journey or to my body, which has been there for me through thick and thin. (

So, a week before I was set to have my skin removal surgery, I decided it was time. I went out and bought myself a pair of exercise shorts and decided to overcome one of my life's biggest fears.

Convincing Myself It Was Worth It

Scared doesn't even begin to describe how I felt the day I decided to go through with wearing shorts. While the appearance of my legs definitely held me back from wanting to work out in shorts, I was also worried about how my body would handle it physically. Up until that point, compression socks and leggings had been my BFFs during workouts. They hold my loose skin together, which still hurts and pulls when it moves around during exercises. So to have my skin exposed and untamed was concerning, to say the least.

My plan was to take a 50-minute cardio and strength training class at my local gym Basecamp Fitness surrounded by the trainers and classmates that have supported me through my journey. For some people, that scenario might offer a sense of comfort but for me, exposing my vulnerability to the people I see and work out with every day, was nerve-wracking. These weren't people I'd were shorts in front of and never see again. I was going to continue seeing them every time I went to the gym, and that made being vulnerable around even more challenging.

That being said, I knew these people were also a part of my support system. They would be able to appreciate how difficult this act of wearing shorts was for me. They had seen the work I'd put in to get to this point and there was some comfort in that. Admittedly, I still thought about packing a pair of leggings in my gym bag—you know, just in case I flaked out. Knowing that would just defeat the purpose, before leaving the house, I took a moment, looked in the mirror with welled up eyes and told myself that I was strong, powerful and completely capable of doing this. There was no backing out. (

I didn't know it then but the toughest part for me was walking into the gym. There were just so many unknowns. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel both physically and emotionally, I didn't know if people would stare, ask me questions or comment about how I looked. As I sat in my car all the "what ifs" swarmed through my mind and I felt panicked while my fiance did his best to talk me down, reminding me why I decided to do this in the first place. Finally, after waiting until no one was walking by on the street, I stepped out of the car and walked toward the gym. Before I could even get to the door I stopped, hiding my legs behind a trash can because of how uncomfortable and exposed I felt. But once I finally made it through the doors, I realized there was no turning back. I'd made it this far so I was going to give the experience my all. (

My nerves were still at an all-time high when I walked into the classroom to meet the other clients and our instructor, but once I joined the group, everyone treated me like it was just another day. Like there was nothing different about me or the way I looked. At that moment I let out a huge sigh of relief and for the first time truly believed that I was going to make it through the next 50 minutes. I knew everyone there was going to support me, love me and not pass negative judgments. Slowly but surely, I felt my nervousness transform into excitement.

Working Out In Shorts for the Very First Time

When the workout began, I jumped right into it and, like everyone else, decided to treat it like a regular workout.

That said, there were definitely some movements that made me self-conscious. Like when we were doing deadlifts with weights. I kept thinking about how the back of my legs looked in the shorts every time I bent over. There was also a move where we were laying on our backs and doing leg lifts that made my heart jump into my throat. In those moments, my classmates stepped up with words of encouragement telling me "you got this", which really helped me pull through. I was reminded that everyone was there to support each other and didn't care about what we saw in the mirror.

Throughout the workout, I was waiting for the pain to hit. But as I used the TRX bands and weights, my skin didn't hurt any more than it usually did. I was able to do everything I would typically do while wearing compression leggings with pretty much the same level of pain. It also helped that the workout didn't have a lot of plyometric movements, which often do cause more pain. (

Perhaps the most powerful exercise during those 50-minutes was when I was on the AssaultBike. A friend of mine on the bike next to me turned and asked how I was feeling. In particular, the friend asked if it felt nice to feel the breeze on my legs from the wind generated from the bike. It was such a simple question, but it really got to me.

Up until that point, I'd spent my whole life covering up my legs. It made me realize that at that moment, I finally felt free. I felt free to be myself, show myself for who I am, embrace my skin, and practice self-love. No matter what anyone thought about me, I was so happy and proud of myself for being able to do something that terrified me so much. It proved just how much I'd grown and how fortunate I was to be a part of a supportive community that helped bring one of my biggest goals to life.

The Lessons I Learned

To date, I've lost more than 300 pounds and have undergone skin removal surgery on my arms, stomach, back, and legs. Plus, as I continue to lose more weight, it's likely that I'll go under the knife again. This road has been long and hard, and I'm still not sure where it ends. Yes, I've overcome so much, but it is still difficult to find moments where I'm able to truly sit down and say that I'm proud of myself. Working out in shorts was one of those moments. My biggest takeaway from the experience was the feeling of pride and strength I felt for accomplishing something I'd dreamed of for so long. (

Choosing to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation is difficult, but, for me, being able to do something that was so challenging for me and staring at my biggest insecurity in the eye, proved that I was capable of anything. It wasn't just about putting on a pair of shorts, it was about exposing my vulnerabilities and loving myself enough to do it. There was an immense sense of power in being able to do that for myself, but my biggest hope is to inspire other people to realize that we all have what it takes to do what scares us the most. You just have to go for it.