His deepest desires may not be that weird after all. Here's how to make his bedroom dreams work for you too
Nowadays, the word fetish is tossed around to describe a love of anything from wasabi peas to Netflix shows, which takes it away from its original, sex-related meaning. “The word fetish is misused all the time. Traditionally, it refers to the overwhelming sexual arousal a person feels surrounding a particular object or situation,” explains Seth Prosterman, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist in the San Francisco Bay Area. And while there are no central statistics for the most common fetishes in the United States for men, the same ones keep coming up again and again Here’s what they are—and how to add them to your bedroom routine for both your pleasure.
“Feet are a major erogenous zone,” explains Prosterman. “In fact, reflexology shows that certain toes are actually connected to genital pleasure.” If your guy is into your feet, take him up on that massage offer. Or try wearing your favorite high heels and nothing else to bed. Because men tend to rely more on visual cues for arousal than women, this can be an extremely hot show for him.
“Fetish, as both a clinical term and a casual term, can relate to body parts, as well as objects,” explains Van Kirk. And butts and boobs can be fixations from an evolutionary perspective—men are wired to hone in on these, ahem, assets as a sign of fertility. If you know you and your guy are into one particular area, enhance the experience by playing around with different positions—doggie will give him a good view of your butt, while girl on top will allow you and him to play with your breasts.
“Arousal objects such as lingerie and leather can absolutely enhance sexual encounters,” explains Prosterman. Lingerie is a turn on because it’s supposed to be secret and hidden in everyday life, so to have it on display—even when it’s just the two of you—can look and feel extremely erotic. Turn him on by giving him a sneak peek: Send him a Snapchat photo of the lace strap of your bra or tell him that you’ve got on his favorite pair of red panties. And when you’re in bed, keep them on for as long as possible. Having a barrier as you’re making out can ratchet up both of your desires for when you’re finally ready to do the deed.
Part of the reason this fetish can be so hot is because the adrenaline produced in the “will we or won’t we get caught” mixes in with the already-raging hormones, creating an addictive cocktail of desire, say experts. Since neither of you want to get arrested, public places aren’t exactly practical, but simply keeping your windows open while you’re hooking up can produce the same feelings of euphoria.
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“Full acceptance of what you like, as well as an ability to discuss it with your partner can be incredibly liberating,” says Van Kirk. But that doesn’t mean you need to go from zero to 50 right away. Light spanking, or feeling what it’s like to have your hands tied by a silk scarf can give you and your guy a feeling as to whether or not this is something you’d like to play with in real life. Also, plenty of sex shops offer workshops for BDSM-related activities, providing key safety tips for when you try more advanced things on your own.