How to Have Sex At Your Parents' House
Experts shell out advice for safely and discreetly getting away with doing the deed
Just because you two are heading to one of your folks' houses over the holiday doesn't mean your sex life needs to take a vacation. What it does mean: You need a game plan, says Amie Harwick, a Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist and author of The New Sex Book for Women. "Knowing what the expectations are, such as whether or not you'll even be allowed to sleep in the same room, will help you both come up with a plan and avoid misunderstandings," explains Harwick. Here's what you need to know to make sure you-and your relatives-wake up happy the next morning.
Know-and Follow-the Rules
If there's a strict separate bedroom policy, it might be best to adhere to that for a first-time visit, suggests Harwick. "You want his parents to like and respect you, and if they get a sense that you're sneaking around their house, even if it's something your guy suggested, it can undermine that trust." If separate bedrooms are in the near future, think about the long-term effects. What's worse: three nights of no action or having his parents potentially hate you for your entire relationship? But don't give up hope altogether-this is your excuse for sex anywhere but the bedroom! (Tired of the same routine? See 5 Ways to Spice Up the Missionary Sex Position!)
Make Time for Alone Time
Heading out for a walk together after dinner or volunteering to run an errand during the day gives you time to feel more like a couple, instead of two kids visiting the parents, says Laurel House, dating coach and author of Screwing the Rules: The No Games Guide to Love. (Oh, and if you're at his house, take note on how he treats his family. It's one of the 6 Not-So-Obvious Signs He's a Keeper.)
Have a Very Private Gift Exchange
Chances are, if you're sleeping at the relatives' house come the December holidays, you're going to be exchanging gifts in front of family. But House suggests you also try a new tradition where you both exchange sexy gifts in private, after hours. "Little things like this can remind you that you're both grown ups," House explains. And a gift of sexy massage oil almost always leads to a sexy massage-and more.
Try a Toy
Put this on your naughty gift list: A bullet vibrator with a remote control operated by your partner. It's a sexy, sneaky way to get in the mood-and get off. Try breaking off from a family activity and wear one of these as you head to a movie together. To really go under the radar, buy a sex toy that can easily pass as something you put on your nightstand. Start with these 5 Vibrators Disguised As Everyday Objects.
Get Off the Bed
Sounds obvious, but headboards + bedsprings = waking up the entire house, no matter how quiet you're both trying to be. Instead, set up camp on the floor or experiment with different standing positions. Don't want to leave the bed? Try this: As he spoons you, have him enter you from behind and slowly rock back and forth together for slow, sweet sex that'll at least keep the headboard relatively quiet. (Or, take it outside with Your Winter Guide to Outdoor Sex.)
Do Some Sleuthing
Sex after you both head to bed is obvious. To make sure you don't wake up the rest of the house-and risk his mom shooting you dirty looks over breakfast-suss out the rest of the family's schedule. Maybe the house is clear in the morning when his parents head to work. Maybe your parents walk the dog for an hour every afternoon. Whatever the pattern, take those moments or privacy and, ahem, jump on them, says Harwick.
Spring For a Naughty Surprise
Even if you're spending time under one set of covers, you're still likely to feel inhibited. To have celebration-worthy sex, book a hotel room in town (try the app Hotel Tonight for last minute deals) and tell the folks you and he are heading to dinner together. Then, check in, order room service, and get busy. You can always leave and spend the night back at the parental casa in case they're suspicious-and actually sleep through the night without being frustrated. (See 5 New Lingerie Lines We Love to really make him wild)