It's Not Okay, Cupid: The Worst Online Dating Messages
All the better to see you with, my dear?
And What Animal Are You?
Didn't your mother teach you it's not polite to growl at women?
We don't know whether to be impressed because this guy was so forward...or disgusted because this guy was so forward.
Ladies, you'll want to jump on this! From the sweet username to the pending court case to the shiny high heels, this guy is an absolute gem. Who wants him? Don't be shy!
Wanna Lend a Hand?
Sure dude, let's get a drink. We'll meet you at the corner of Nope, Not a Chance in Hell and Never Going to Happen Streets. You in?
It's okay to be a "toe man," but maybe you should keep that under wraps until the second date.
Erm...shouldn't we talk about this first?
You're Quite the Master
You know, there could be a situation where it's acceptable to bring up masturbation in a first text message, because, you know...oh wait, no there's not.
Gentlemen, here's a tip for you: If a woman wants to know about your masturbation habits, she'll probably ask you about them. If you want to send a text message or email to a prospective date and suddenly find yourself overcome with the urge to discuss the aforementioned habit, think before you hit send. Phone a friend (or three) and ask, "Should I send her this text message about jerking off?" I guarantee you, the answer will always be no. And if the answer is ever yes, you need to find new friends, stat.
Is Your Name Beyoncé?
Okay, this one's not so bad. This guy gets points for creativity, at least.
You'd Do What!?
Short answer: Ew.
Long answer: Ew, ew, ew. I swear, you cannot make this stuff up. Where do these guys come from?!