Low Libido? Here's How to Increase Sex Drive In Women
Learn how to increase sex drive with these expert-backed solutions for female sexual dysfunction.
If you're wondering how to increase sex drive in yourself or in your partner, you're not alone.
We tend to think of low libido as something that affects mostly older women—but that's simply not the case. Roughly 40 percent of all women (premenopausal included) report having issues with their levels of desire, and at least 12 percent are troubled enough by them to fall into the category of female sexual dysfunction. (Read more about What's Killing Your Sex Drive.)
First things first: If you have low libido and you're bothered by it, tell your ob-gyn. She'll be able to rule out biological causes, like certain meds or hormone imbalances, and refer you to a sex therapist who can work with you to create a treatment plan. But in the meantime, use these study-proven tricks to learn how to increase sex drive in women. (And see these 5 Common Libido-Crushers to Avoid.)
Take Sex Off the Table
When one half of a couple has low libido, it often creates what Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., calls a "chasing dynamic:" One partner asks the other for sex, the other says no. As this continues to happen, the asker starts to feel rejected and frustrated, which makes him or her even more eager to get that emotional and sexual connection.
Meanwhile, the decliner feels stressed and guilty over continually turning their partner down, which dampens her libido further. To interrupt this cycle, taking a "sex break" of a couple weeks or more can be helpful. This way, you can both focus on repairing and growing your relationship, whether you do that through sex or couples therapy, self-help books, or quality time together. (Related: I Tried a 30-Day Sex Challenge to Revive My Marriage's Boring Sex Life)
Introduce Something New
Whether or not you believe humans are wired to be monogamous, recent research seems to indicate that your sex drive isn't: As you become more comfortable with a partner, your libido naturally declines, regardless of sexual dysfunction, according to a report in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. (And the effect may be more pronounced in women than in men.)
Good news: That doesn't mean you have to find a new partner. Other ways of adding some novelty back into your relationship might be the key to how to increase your sex drive, like watching different types of porn (instead of falling back on your fave fantasies), role-playing with your partner (imagine they're a stranger, for instance), or buying a new sex toy to use together.
Try (Safely Vetted) Supplements
Your local drugstore probably has an entire aisle devoted to products that are purportedly the secret solution for how to increase sex drive. No, not all of them will work. However, some might have a modest effect—and, when it comes to desire, the placebo effect is really strong.
"If I said research shows that red M&Ms are a dangerously successful aphrodisiac, chances are, they'd help someone," says Nagoski. Translation: they're worth a shot. Just be sure to ask your doctor about what's safe to take before trying anything new. (Related: The 4 Nutrients That Can Improve Women's Sexual Health)
Arousal starts in the mind, so it makes sense that mindful meditation, which encourages you to pay attention to bodily sensations and focus on the present moment might help women with how to increase their sex drive. After just three 90-minute training sessions (spaced two weeks apart), women with sexual dysfunction reported significant improvements in their symptoms, according to a 2008 study from the University of British Columbia.
Try these meditation apps for beginners to help you get started, or visit mbct.com to find a professional training program. (Related: How to Have an Orgasm Every Time, According to Science)
Learn More About Yourself (and Your Friends)
Many women don't really talk about sex with their close friends. But that means we often walk around feeling abnormal for something that plenty of other women are going through. Nagoski advocates for more openness-but if you can't bring yourself to spill in person, consider looking at online forums dedicated to sex (like reddit.com/r/sex) and female health (like the Women's Health forum at WebMD). There's also a whole crop of new sex apps that are devoted to sex education, helping you understand your body and sex drive, experiment, and even communicate better with your partner.
Remember the Hottest Sex You've Ever Had
Then try to recreate it. That doesn't mean you have to revisit the exact place you were, or (if it was with someone other than your current partner) booty-call an ex. But think about the context as well as the sex itself, suggests Nagoski. Maybe you were on vacation without your kids or you were 10 pounds lighter. These all provide clues about controllable things that could be affecting your arousal, like stress or weight.