"Maximum thrust velocity" just sounds painful.

By Charlotte Hilton Andersen

If you ever thought, "my sex life needs to sync to social media a little more," there's a new toy for you.

The I.Con Smart Condom is a ring that can be placed around any condom to track your sex metrics. Using "nano-chip sensors," it can measure basic size, thrust speed and velocity, duration of sex, how many calories were burned, temperature, and even position. These numbers are then uploaded wirelessly to an app where he can compare his performance to previous sexcapades, compare himself to other men, make graphs and charts, or even share his data with friends.

We can think of so many ways this could go horribly wrong. First, there's the issue of monitoring such an intimate act. It's one thing to know your Fitbit "sees" your heart rate spike during funtimes, but it's quite another to know a gadget can tell every time you change positions. And then sharing his experience-and by default, yours-with the world? Yikes.

To be fair, there are some benefits too: A little electronic feedback can help him improve his technique or reassure a nervous gent that his stats are average. But the real genius is that the ring may soon be able to check for STDs (alright, we'll give them a point for that one). Interested? You can preorder one today for $73.

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