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Getting to know a new bae or want to deepen your connection with a partner? This list of questions to ask a guy, girl, or anyone will help you both open up.

By Amanda Chatel
March 23, 2021
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When it comes to relationships, the most important aspect is communication. Not just communicating feelings and emotions about certain situations, but communicating about all things, from sex, values, and thoughts about the future, to the facts about your past that make you who you are. Communication, above all else, is the foundation of a happy and healthy relationship. It may sound cliché, but it's still the absolute truth, according to sex and relationship experts.

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When people hear the word "communicating," they tend to picture sitting down with their partner and having an intimate heart-to-heart, but that doesn't always have to be the set-up or tone, nor does the environment have to be the bedroom. Whether you're just hanging out on the couch, texting, video chatting, or any of the other dozens of mediums you use to communicate, there's always an opportunity to ask your partner questions that will strengthen your bond and maybe even give you the chance to learn something about each other that you may not have known before.

"Talking about what you want is just the start," says Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., sexologist, relationship expert, and We-Vibe sex expert. "If you dig a little deeper and talk about your fantasies, desires, fears, vulnerabilities, concerns, emotions, and more, you'll develop a deeper understanding of one another — which leads to a more meaningful connection and hotter, more fulfilling sex."

As O'Reilly explains, the questions you ask your partner should extend past just sex talk, and include consent, likes, dislikes, and sexual boundaries.

"Discuss emotional safety, including what it means to you and how you can cultivate it together," says O'Reilly. "And talk about what sex means to you — what are the physical, erotic, emotional, practical, relational, and/or spiritual values and benefits you attach to sex?"

While some of these questions might make both you and your partner (or new match, hookup, or FWB) feel extra vulnerable, it's a feeling that should be embraced and respected. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a big step in any relationship — romantic or platonic. It's a sign of trust (and intimacy!) to be able to be so candid with another person. (See: How to Build Intimacy with Your Partner)

Because asking questions is a great way to get communication rolling, here are more than 50 of them to get you and your partner started.

If you finish this list of questions to ask a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner and want more, consider purchasing a question prompt game — such as We're Not Really Strangers (Buy It, $30, urbanoutfitters.com) or The Skin Deep {THE AND} Card Game for Couples or for Dating (Buy It, $25, theskindeep.com) — that will dole out additional creative questions and conversation starters.

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Sexually Explicit Questions to Ask Your Partner

  1. What's the most reliable way for you to orgasm with a partner?
  2. What do you enjoy most when I go down on you?
  3. What do you think about when you masturbate?
  4. Would it turn you on to watch porn together?
  5. How would you feel about a threesome?
  6. What's a sexual act you've never done, but want to try?
  7. Do you have any fantasies, kinks, or fetishes you'd like to share and/or indulge in?
  8. What sort of role play would turn you on most?
  9. What dirty words arouse you the most?
  10. If we consent to do whatever we want to each other, what would you want to do to me? What would you want me to do to you?
  11. Do you prefer to be dominant or submissive?
  12. What are your thoughts on anal play?
  13. Are you interested in incorporating sex toys into partnered sex? What sort of toys might you want to use?
  14. How do you feel when I send you nudes?
  15. What's your favorite place to touch yourself that's not your genitals?
  16. What's the one thing I can do right now to drive you wild?
  17. What were the three best sexual experiences you've ever had? How about the three worst?

Sexual Awareness Questions to Ask Your Partner

  1. What's your favorite thing about sex?
  2. What does sex mean to you?
  3. What was your first sexual experience like?
  4. Are there any moments from your sexual past that you'd like to share?
  5. Do you have any fears or concerns when it comes to sex?
  6. What's your preferred form of safe sex?
  7. What does consent mean and look like to you?
  8. Would you like to use a safe word?
  9. What are your thoughts on our sex life? What should we work on?
  10. How would you describe your sexual desires? Kinky or more vanilla?
  11. What was your sexual awakening like?
  12. Have you ever had an STI? If you did, did you judge yourself for it?

Relationship Questions to Ask Your Partner

  1. How important do you think sex is to a relationship?
  2. How would define the "perfect" relationship?
  3. What do you need in a relationship?
  4. How do you feel about couples' therapy?
  5. What's the ultimate dealbreaker in a relationship?
  6. How soon is too soon to meet the parents?
  7. How would you feel if I didn't like one of your friends?
  8. What's something about our relationship you think we should work on?
  9. If one of us had to move for work, do you think we could handle a LDR?
  10. Is our friendship just as important to you as our romantic relationship?

Value-Related Questions to Ask Your Partner

  1. How important is religion in your life?
  2. What have you done that makes you the proudest?
  3. Who was your biggest role model when you were growing up?
  4. Do you think it's better to make a lot of money in a job you hate or make less money in a job you love?
  5. What are your thoughts on women's reproductive rights?
  6. What scares you most?
  7. How important is family to you?
  8. Did you vote in the last election?
  9. What does equality look like to you?
  10. Do you think cheating is a dealbreaker or do you believe it can be worked through?
  11. How do you define success?
  12. How often do you question your decisions?
  13. Do you judge people before you get to know them?
  14. What social issues are most important to you?
  15. Do you have any regrets?

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