Here's how screenwriter, author, and director Kelly Oxford does it

By Mary Anderson
March 11, 2020
Cavan Images/Getty

It's one of the most overdone sitcom plots: After welcoming their first child into the world, the newfound parents can't seem to find the time to ~get it on~. Every chance they have to snuggle in bed, the baby starts crying from the craddle across the room. When the little one grows up into a strong-willed toddler, the couple just can't find the time to break away from their kid's 24/7 needs. But this make-believe situation is real for some moms, and it's more frustrating than funny.

So how do you balance being a mom and bringing sexy back? Here, Kelly Oxford, the writer and director of the feature film Pink Skies Ahead, a screenwriter, and a best-selling author shares how she navigates those waters with three kids and a busy career. (And if you want to have more sex with your partner, here's how to get on the same page.)

Take Back the Night

"Kids sleeping through the night in their own beds is key to having a normal relationship with your partner. This way, you can make the most of your evenings. I really believe in a bedtime routine from birth: Babies have no idea what to expect; you have to give it to them. Bath, reading to them, a special blanket for naps and bedtime. We had three good sleepers by the time they were 2 years old."

Free Your Mind About What Sexy Is

"You can’t pressure yourself to look sexy. Yes, getting a full wax definitely helps, but sexy was the last thing I cared about when my kids were little. Feeling sexy would happen if I watched my partner take out the dirty diapers or read a story to the kids. It doesn’t have to be about getting dressed up and going out."

Embrace Spontaneity, Lose Guilt

"Weirdly, having kids offers you a lot of chances to have spontaneous sex. Alone time can happen in the middle of a school day or while they’re watching a movie. You never know. Leaving the kids with a sitter for a few hours for date nights? I’ve never felt guilty because ultimately I know they’re happier if I look after myself and I’m happy too."

(Related: I Tried a 30-Day Sex Challenge to Revive My Marriage's Boring Sex Life)

Source: Shape Magazine, March 2020 issue
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