This Harness Is the Only One That Doesn't Make Me Feel Like I'm Going Rock Climbing During Sex
Whether you're using it for pegging or strap-on sex, this harness can help you hit all the right places.
These days, finding a vibrator that's best for your ~sexual tastes~ is easy as well, clicking (here, here, and here). Unfortunately, harness reviews are harder to come by. So when you're on the market for a new harness you're often forced to scroll page-upon-page of unhelpful Amazon reviews. Lucky for you, I'm here to simplify things.
After a decade of harness testing, I can say that the best, more versatile harness is without a shadow of doubt: The SpareParts Joque Harness (Buy It, $115, amazon.com; goodvibes.com). Read on for my full review...you know you wanna.
What Is a Sex Harness, You Ask?
A harness for sex is any device that allows you to secure a sex toy to your body. Most commonly, harnesses are worn over the genital region to secure a dildo where a penis would be on a person assigned male at birth (AMAB). The SpareParts Joque is that kind of harness. However, it's worth mentioning that there are also thigh harnesses (Malibu Thigh Harness, Buy It, $45, babeland.com), mouth and face harnesses (Latex Face Fucker Strap On Mask, Buy It, $86, kinkstore.com), not to mention, a lot of wearable bondage gear is also categorized as a "harness."
One other important thing to know is that the term "strap-on" is used when the harness is being used with a dildo and has that capability.
How and to Use a Harness (and Why You Might Want to)
Frankly, IMO, there are so many reasons to try a harness in bed, but before I get into them, know this: There's a prevailing myth that harnesses are a lesbian sex toy. But a harness can be worn and enjoyed by a person and their partner no matter gender, genitals, or sexuality. (And, pssh, not all lesbians even like them!)
"A harness can be worn during vaginal sex, manual sex, oral sex, masturbation, and more," explains Andy Duran, the education director for Good Vibrations. They're also popular day-time wear among transmasculine folks who are looking to achieve the appearance of having a penis with the help of a bendable dildo, such as the New York Sex Toy Collective Mason (Buy It, $175, goodvibes.com) or the Archer Silicone Packer (Buy It, $60, goodvibes.com).
"A vulva-owner, for instance, might wear a strap-on to penetrate their partner hands-free," says Duran. In relationships where both partners have vulvas, a harness might be worn with a dildo for vaginal penetration—often known as vaginal strap-on sex. (Have Q's about strap-on sex? This will help: An Insider's Guide to Sleeping with Another Woman for the First Time.)
Or, a harness could also be worn by a vulva-owner with any partner for anal sex or pegging. "A harness also allows a person with a penis to penetrate with something other than their own body," adds Duran. (This is especially common among transfeminine folks and people with erectile dysfunction.) In some cases, a harness might also be used to allow a penis-owner to penetrate a partner with their penis *and* another toy at the same time for some double penetration.
OK, OK, But Here's Why I Love the SpareParts Joque Harness So Much
Harnesses come in two main styles: jockstrap- and underwear-style. Generally speaking, jockstrap-style harnesses win-out on stability and control, while underwear-style comes out on top for comfort. But with the SpareParts Joque, you don't have to choose one of these important factors over the other—you get both.
"The Joque is as comfortable as it is stable," echoes Duran. "You can put a dildo of almost any size in the harness, and it's not going to fall down or flop around." That's because, in addition to having a durable AF O-ring (that's the part the dildo goes through), the straps are widely adjustable. Meaning, you can cinch the harness tight against your skin.
Plus, it comes in two sizes. Size A can be adjusted to fit hips 20 to 50 inches around, while size B can be adjusted to fit hips 35 to 60 inches around. If that wide range seems impressive, it is. "The Joque is one of the few harnesses that can hold such a wide range of body sizes," adds Duran.
These features don't come at the expense of comfort either. Made out of a spandex-nylon blend, the front-paneling is soft and smooth against my skin and pubes—even when it gets wet. The same just can't be said for other harnesses I've tried.
My favorite feature is that panel closest to the skin is split in two and can be moved to the side so that when I'm strapped-on I can feel the dildo press up against my vulva. Even when the dildo doesn't vibrate, the thrusting motion creates a stimulating sensation.
And my second favorite feature is the fact that there are two (2!) pockets built into the Joque for bullet vibrators—one above and one below the O-ring. "[This] can increase how much stimulation the wearer feels while penetrating their partner," says Duran. "And the vibration can even travel down the dildo to stimulate the partner being penetrated, too." (Related: The Best Bullet Vibrators for Anywhere, Anytime Pleasure).
Another noteworthy feature is that when you're done playing, you can pop this baby right in the wash. You can use it on Friday night, wash it Saturday, and then it again on Sunday without having to worry about the transference of bodily fluids or potentially infectious agents. (Related: The Best Way to Clean Your Sex Toy).
I clearly have lots of rave reviews about my experiences with the SpareParts Joque Harness, but Duran points out two issues some folks may have depending on dildo-preference and body size.
First, the crotch panel is only a few inches wide. "Bigger bodied folks and those with larger pubis mound areas may notice that even though the harness fits, it creates a landing-stripe-esque look," he says. For folks who don't like that aesthetic—and anyone who generally prefers a harness with more coverage—he recommends the SpareParts Tomboi Fabric Brief Harness (Buy It, $90, goodvibes.com).
Having tried the Tomboi, I can assure you the O-ring is just as stable as the one in the Joque so you'll still feel fully in control. It also has two vibrator pockets, one on either side of the dildo so you'll still have that feature too.
Sexcessories to Go with Your Harness
On the market for a new harness for sex and somehow still not convinced to get the Joque, this should do the trick: Right now you can get $20 any order of more than $75 via Good Vibrations. That makes the harness just $104.95—a steal!
While you're at it, tack on a few sexcessories that'll enhance the whole shebang. If you're looking for a realistic-looking dildo, no company does it better than New York Sex Toy Collective. The Mason (Buy It, $175, goodvibes.com) is a great starter option. As for non-realistic dildos, I recommend The Charm Silicone Dildo (Buy It, $45, goodvibes.com) for first-time peggers and the Wet For Her Strap On Dildo Black (Buy It, $55, wetforher.com) for other types of strap-on play. Other great picks: The BJ Dildo (Buy It, $90, goodvibes.com) for stimulating oral sex and the Fun Factory ShareVibe (Buy It, $115, goodvibes.com) for handjobs, gender euphoric masturbation, or strap-on play between vulva-owners.
If you're looking to take advantage of one (or both!) of the vibrator pockets, Duran recommends the Bullet Crave Vibrator (Buy It, $69, amazon.com), Magic Touch Waterproof Vibrator (Buy It, $15, goodvibes.com), or the We-Vibe Tango Mini Vibrator (Buy It, $74, amazon.com).
And finally, get into action without lube! The majority of dildos are made of silicone, which can create an unpleasant friction-y feeling against the skin when there's not enough lubricant. So you'll want to use a water-based lube such as the Sliquid Sassy (Buy It, $12, amazon.com), Sutil Rich Botanical Lubricant (Buy It, $42, goodvibes.com), or Cake Toy Joy (Buy It, $22, hellocake.com).