Halloween costumes aren't just for the kids! Take role play to a whole new level with these 10 sex tips, toys, and positions that will bring your fantasies to life
Busting out a new set of tricks in the bedroom can be a real treat for both of you, and there's no better time to try than right around Halloween. Sixty percent of people recently surveyed by Match.com said wearing a costume made them feel more confident sexually. "Role-playing is a novelty and anything new amps up the dopamine in the brain," explains Helen Fisher, PhD, Match.com’s Chief Scientific Advisor and a biological anthropologist. It's just science, people: more dopamine=better sex! So go ahead, blame your extra adventurousness and confidence on Halloween, and pull out that sexy cop or teacher's pet costume. Oh, and don't worry if you're a Naughty Nurse newbie; Fisher shared her top ten tips for sexy, satisfying role-play.
You can't give him a thrilling ride if you don't know what type of roller coasters he's into, right? All good role-playing starts with a conversation. Fisher recommends bringing it up over e-mail, at the movies, in the car—basically anyplace you won't feel pressure to act on it at that moment. Simply ask him what he likes and listen without making any judgement. "It's amazing how hard it is for men to talk about their fantasies, because they're so worried about getting shut down," Fisher explains. Encourage him to open up and you'll both enjoy it more.
Just because his fantasy involves a pizza pie, a feather duster, and an old-school rotary phone (we're totally making that up, BTW), doesn't mean you have to be down with it. Fisher says it's important to be clear about what you will and won't do with your partner. For example, if you're not okay with choking or spanking, just say so. (And if you are, this is a judgement-free zone.) If you're nervous about giving him free rein, Fisher advises making a list of roles you'd be willing to try out and showing it to him. Most men, she promises, will have no problem picking one they love.
Acting doesn't came naturally to most of us, especially when it means acting so far out of our comfort zone. So if you're worried you might get stage fright, Fisher recommends writing down a few sultry lines ahead of time and practice saying them out loud. But don't get too hung up on the script. Exploring this new game together is half the fun, and he likely won't care if you "mess up."
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A little snapchat of a long, blond wig or a pair of stripper heels can go a long way when it comes to building anticipation. Not only will your visual hints make him so eager to come home that he'll clock out at 4:59, sending them will also give you time to get into character.
"Bottom line: Men are visual creatures," Fisher says. They love the playful aspect of costumes and the different personas that go with them. Have a good time and get as creative as you like! If you're nervous you can try just a few key pieces, Fisher suggests. But it can be more fun for both of you if you commit one-hundred percent to playing the role.
Or at least ignore them for a bit. Women worry too much about how they look in a costume, Fisher says. Whether you're self-conscious about your stomach or you think your breasts are too small or that your butt has cellulite, she says this is exactly the right time to get over it. "It's amazing how much men love women's bodies," she says. "And remember, if he didn't love your body he wouldn't be there."
Fact: Men get nervous too. Fisher says a key point to any healthy sexual relationship is to keep the compliments flowing, on both sides. Encourage him by telling him what he does well and how much you love it, and he'll be more open to trying those few new things you've been thinking about.
The thing with fantasies is, if you get the wrong fantasy or do something the other person finds "nasty" it can be a complete turn-off. To avoid this, make sure you know your partner's fantasies and his serious aversions (and he should know yours). Communication is everything!
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"Men see sex as a gift," Fisher says. "He'll notice your effort and love you for it!" The ultimate goal is a happy, fulfilling sex life for both partners which means both of you are going to have to compromise sometimes. You play sexy teacher tonight, he'll play brooding vampire tomorrow night.
Men generally love a post-game analysis, and it's doubly important for a new sex act, Fisher says. "Talk about how things went the next day so you can say what you liked and what didn't work," she explains, adding that texting or e-mail is often a less threatening way to have the convo. Bonus: All that sexy chatter will set the stage for your next steamy scene.