Spooning sex can be luxuriously lazy, a lil bit raunchy, or super intimate — here's how to do it all.

By Amber Rambharose
October 06, 2020
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The spooning sex position is for everyone, literally. Not only is it great for hetero, same-sex, and gender-nonconforming couples, but it can also be modified with almost unlimited variations based on your preferences. Clitoral stimulation a must for you? No problem. Like a little backdoor penetration? The spooning sex position has got you covered.

"Comfort and connection sets this position apart," explains Megan Fleming, Ph.D., sex therapist and educator. "The position really puts you right next to your partner and provides full-level of skin contact. Spooning also makes it easy to kiss the neck, talk, and whisper."

It's also a position that leaves everyone's hands-free. So, whatever your spoon status, this position is sure to magnify your pleasure. Read on to find out why the spooning sex position should probably be one of your favorite sex positions — plus ways to tweak it for even more enjoyment, according to experts.

The Spooning Sex Position Basics

At its most basic, the spooning sex position is when you and your partner are laying down, you're both on your side and facing in the same direction, with one partner (the rear or big spoon) tucked behind the other, explains Alexandra Fine, co-founder and CEO of Dame Products.

"If you're having sex in the spooning position, usually whoever is penetrating is the rear spoon or big spoon, and then they can penetrate the little spoon in front," says Fine. Penetration can occur vaginally or anally, with toys or without, adds Ashley Cobb, sex toy educator and Lovehoney expert. (And it's worth noting that body size has nothing to do with who is acting as the "big" or "little" spoon.)

Whichever way you choose to indulge, "this position provides a sense of closeness and the opportunity for full-body stimulation," says Fleming. Sounds pretty nice, right? Keep reading for more reasons to love the spooning sex position.

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Credit: Emma Darvick

1. It's chill.

The spooning sex position is super intimate and doesn't require a lot of physical exertion — so it's great for the morning or evening right before falling asleep, explains Fleming. (Essentially, the opposite of these sex positions that double as exercise.)

"I don't want to say it's the laziest position because that's kind of the best part about it," agrees Fine. "Since nobody has to hold up their body weight, you can just enjoy the pleasure so much more easily. Even being on all fours, in doggy-style, you're using your arms and your legs to hold up your body and I think that that can distract from the pleasure. You don't have to deal with that in the spooning position."

Spooning doesn't require too much work from either partner and is one of the few sex positions that provide full-body contact (read: allll the physical touch) without too much contorting, so you can get really close to your partner while staying comfortable and feeling natural.

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Credit: Emma Darvick

2. It's great for clitoral stimulation.

Fun fact (that you hopefully already know): Two out of three women don't achieve climax from penetration alone, says Fleming. That makes this hands-free position a great option for people who need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm.

"Whenever you're in a position where there's penetration from behind, it makes it so much easier for you or your partner to access your clitoris, which I think is another reason why this can be such a great position," explains Fine. "If you open up your legs a little bit you can touch yourself more or your partner can touch you more." (Also try these other sex positions great for clitoral stimulation.)

"Plus, you can use a vibrator very easily in this position, especially something that's worn on the hand or is easy to hold," she says. Try adding a finger vibrator to the mix, such as the Dame Fin (Buy It, $85, dameproducts.com) or a bullet vibe, like the Lelo Mia 2 (Buy It, $85, lelo.com).

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Credit: Emma Darvick

3. You can play with intensity.

Both partners can adjust the depth of penetration in the spooning sex position, meaning, either partner can switch up the power dynamic and take control at any moment — compared to cowgirl/rider-on-top or missionary, for example, where the top partner has all the control.

For example, "the little spoon's upper leg in this position can be used to provide good leverage by wrapping it around the other partner," explains Fleming. This can give the little spoon a little more control over pacing. Or, "if the little spoon moves their top leg all the way open so they're all the way on their back, their partner can hold the top leg, which gives them leverage."

If you want to keep it pretty chill, the little spoon can instead curl their knees toward their chest. "You can both have your knees up and have your partner wrapped around you," says Fine. Think of this version as more of a cuddle, while leg lifting and wrapping can get things a little more steamy. (Pro tip: If you're having trouble getting into or staying in any variation of this position, try using a body positioning pillow to lift your hips — or your partner's — like Pillo, Buy It, $95, dameproducts.com.)

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Credit: Emma Darvick

4. It's a way to hit internal pleasure zones.

Good sex is partially about the angle, says Fleming. If you have a vagina and are engaging in the spooning sex position as the little spoon, there's good news: This angle of penetration naturally tilts the pelvis in a way that's perfect for hitting the internal erogenous zones in the vagina, says Cobb.

That's because, when you're lying in the spooning sex position with your torsos parallel (think: the way you would while sleeping), that can put a lot of pressure on the frontal wall of the vagina — where there are tons of clitoral nerve endings, says Fine. For example, the G-spot is a few inches inside the vaginal canal along this wall, and the A-spot is a bit deeper.

If you're not into that sensation — or just want to play with the angle — changing the distance between your torsos is a game-changer in the spooning sex position. For example, try leaning your torso forward so it's more perpendicular to your partner's body (almost like horizontal doggy style), says Fine. "Think of your body as a clock: Start at twelve and then you can move to one o'clock and really experiment with each angle and find what works for you and your partner."

5. It's open to interpretation.

Not only does this position work for all types of couples, but it also lends itself to creativity. "Think of all the ways you can move into a spoon position," says Fleming. The spooning sex position is a great position to transition into from reverse cowgirl or doggy style by gripping your partner tightly and rolling to the side together.

The spooning position also doesn't need to include penetrative sex. (Reminder: Sex doesn't equal P-in-V! It can be all about oral, hand stuff, or even mutual masturbation.) "There are so many ways to be having sex aside from penetration," says Fine. And this is a great position for that stuff. "Your legs are pressed up against each other so you can kind of intertwine your legs and that can be great for friction," she says. "The big spoon can reach your hands around or underneath to digitally penetrate while the little spoon can press back and rub against their partner. I think the best thing about spooning is that spooning is just such an intimate safe space to start off in."