Score the thrill of spontaneous casual sex in your relationship with this helpful advice to spice up the bedroom
Not quite comfortable with the idea of casual sex? No need to have sexual FOMO—you may just not have been built for one night stands. New research published in the journal Biology Letters found that people naturally fall into one of two groups: those who desire short-term flings and those who favor long-term commitment. Rarely do people fall in the middle. Researchers found that there’s no sole influence that determines where you’ll fall either (i.e. it’s not a male versus female thing). Instead, your upbringing and surroundings shape your preference.
If you’re a deliberate dater, don’t fret: You don’t have to have a new partner every week to keep things from growing dull. Sure, monogamy means you’re with the same person night after night. But the rush of novelty isn’t just about fresh faces (and bodies). Follow these tips and that first-time desire with your sweetheart will be revved back up in no time. (And spice up your sex life with these 9 Ways to Sex Up Your Relationship!)
“The urge to impress commonly wears off over time, which is one of the reasons sexual desire fades in long-term relationships,” says Emily Morse, sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. An easy way to breathe some fresh air into your sex life: Toss those baggy sweats aside. Whether you’re rocking a full-blown Victoria’s Secret getup, or simply sporting a new thong and bra, anything you wear that’s different will signal to your partner that you’re making an effort. “Not to mention if you go out of your way to get ready for your night together, it will make you feel more confident, sexy, and ready for action,” says Morse.
Sure, this may seem counterintuitive: One-night stands are spontaneous, so why would you have to plan ahead for spur-of-the-moment sex? When it comes to long-term relationships, though, you have to make the effort—otherwise sex will continue to follow the comfortable route you’re use to (and tired of), explains Morse. Her ideas? Show up at his apartment wearing nothing but a sexy something underneath your coat (this is where point No. 1 comes in handy!). Or invite him over to your apartment—where you’ll be waiting for him, naked in your room, pleasuring yourself. (Sound too crazy for you? It’s not, we swear! Find out how to masturbate in front of him, and 6 other Kinky Upgrades for Your Sex Life.) “This process will definitely help women who are struggling to get in the mood for sex,” says Morse.
Having sex in the same place and position becomes boring and predictable. “If you tend to stick solely to the bedroom, move it onto the couch, in the backyard, or spring for a hotel room one night,” says Morse. “This will bring back some of the spontaneity that will fuel the fire for more passion.” Want to give outdoors a spin? A balcony or roof is your best bet because you’ll be far enough from other people that you can make a clean escape if necessary, says Morse. Obviously, warmer months are ideal. Find a place with a ledge that you can lean against, and he can simply enter you from behind (if you're in a skirt or dress), she explains.
At first glance, role-play may seem like a tough sell: How can you look at your partner like a stranger? How would you contain the laughter? “The truth is, you might giggle or feel uncomfortable at first,” says Morse. “But once you push through this initial barrier, you’ll realize that role play keeps the sexual connection new and exciting.” Try this: Pick a film with a really hot sex scene. Once you both decide on a scene, you’ll have a visual of how you want to act, and what exactly you’re going to do to each other, which will enhance anticipation and prolong arousal, says Morse. This is a simple way to ease into acting out scenes before taking role-play into a public space. (Also, try these additional Spice Up Sex with Halloween-Style Role Play tips that work for any sexy situation.)