Try These 7 Tantric Sex Positions for More Intimacy
Tantra Sex Is Sex, But Better
If you've been craving sex that's better, longer-lasting, and more intimate—and let's be honest, who isn't—it might be time to try tantric sex.
Tantrhuhh? "Tantric sex a slowed-down, awe-inspiring, super hot way of having sex," says tantra expert Barbara Carrellas, a certified sexologist and author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century
. "Tantra is the way you do something, it's the principle you apply. So, really, you can do any activity—and any sex position—tantrically."
If that surprises you, you're not alone. "People have all these ideas and misconceptions about tantra sex and how it looks," says Layla Martin, a highly-regarded tantra teacher and host of the YouTube series Epic Sex & Legendary Longing. "Tantra actually doesn't look that different on the outside, it just feels different on the inside because it's sex plus that inner connection."
That means you don't need to learn a whole new set of sex skills and/or configurations. Instead, you're applying a ~tantric flair~ to enhance the positions you already know by slowing down, de-centering the orgasm, maintaining eye contact, and focusing on deep loving. (If that sounds like mushy mumbo-jumbo to you, check out Everything You Need and Want to Know About Tantra and Tantra Sex, then come right back here.)
Still, some positions lend themselves to tantric sex better than others. Sorry, but positions that require feats of fitness (such as wheelbarrow, scissoring, and standing split) are best saved for another time.
To help you get started, we asked tantric sex experts to share their fave tantric sex positions for beginners. So, go on, turn on that Ray LaMontagne or Marvin Gaye (if that's your thing), light some candles, shut the blinds, and try these positions.
Once you decide you're interested in tantric sex, experts recommend trying it with yourself first. "Tantric masturbation is the exact opposite of the quick-n-dirty, rush-to-the-finish-line masturbation that so many people practice," says Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations sexologist and curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum. "It entails concentrating on your breath, slowing down your touch, being super-mindful of your whole body, and noticing energy that builds in your body and how it connects you to everything else."
And no, you won't fall asleep. "When you slow down and focus this way, it takes longer to build up to climax, and that can actually make the orgasm more powerful," she says.
There are no rules as to what tantric masturbation includes. "Toys can be part of it, but they aren't mandatory," says Leah Piper, a tantra educator who conducts More Love seminars. Do what feels good for you. And don't shy away from trying new things like rolling onto your stomach, taking it to the bathtub, experimenting with nipple play and nipplegasms, or testing some of the best sex toys and vibrators for women.
There's a reason this tried-and-true position is a fave in long-term relationships: it's the ultimate connection-booster. Before you get into it, start with in-sync breath work (breathing at the same time as your partner) or eye gazing (looking into each other's eyes), suggests Martin. "Two minutes is a good amount of time for beginners." Work your way up to five or ten minutes.
After that, go ahead and add penetration. To deepen penetration or make accessing the G-spot easier, add a sex pillow or ramp (like Dame's Pillo), or have the receiving partner place their legs over the shoulders of the penetrating partner, says international tantra teacher Sofia Sundari, founder of the Tantra Mystery School and the Priestess School.
You can use this tantric sex position to stimulate your cervix as well, says Sundari. This will depend on the size of the penetrator and where the receiving partner is in their menstrual cycle (because the cervix drops lower when you're menstruating), she explains. "Cervical stimulation may produce cervical orgasm and these orgasms produce profound states of consciousness, but the sensation can also be really intense." That's why she says a good idea to go there only when the receiver feels highly aroused and open to communicate if it feels like too much. In that instance, spend some time kissing without penetration, and then return to standard missionary. (Or, try one of these other period-sex approved sex positions.)
If you've ever seen the cover of a tantric sex book or workshop brochure, this position may look familiar. It's considered the ultimate tantric sex position, according to Queen. "Yab Yum entails a seriously intimate, connection-boosting configuration." Basically, it's a tantra-fied version of the already-intimate lotus position.
Have the penetrating partner sit cross-legged on the bed (or couch, or floor) and the receiver straddle their partner's lap facing towards, legs wrapped around their partners lower back. "As your partner penetrates you and you're embracing each other, add tantra practices like eye-gazing and in-sync breathing," says Queen. From here, rock back and forth together for deep penetration. If the person on top has a vulva, they can tilt their pelvis up for extra G-spot love. (See also: 7 G-Spot Positions You Have To Try)
BTW: The penetration can happen anally too. It's a great way to hit your A-spot if you're on top (a sensitive area of tissue at the ends of the vaginal canal, between the cervix and the bladder, that can be indirectly stimulated through anal sex). And it's a great way to hit a guy's P-spot if he's on top (and you're using a strap-on). Just keep in mind that anal sex can be painful if the body isn't properly prepped with foreplay and lube. (Actually, in general, lube will make any tantric sex position *that* much more amazing.)
The Great Bee
The Great Bee is like Cowgirl—the penetrating partner is laying on their back and the receiving partner riding them—but there's one key difference. "The partner on top pulls their legs up towards their chest as if they're doing a deep squat. They can brace themselves with their arms on the partner's chest, and the partner can offer support," says Queen.
This position allows for thrusting that's really deep (hello, A-spot!), but not fast. While 'thrusting"' usually implies an in-and-out motion, this tantric sex position "gives you a chance to experience intercourse differently," explains Queen. "I recommend that the penetrating partner try making circles, going back and forth, or tilting side to side." Don't worry so much about finding the perfect rhythm, remember tantra isn't about perfection. It's about connection.
For added clitoral stimulation, try using a small vibrator too.
"In tantra, we call oral sex 'oral love,'" says Piper. "It's the act of honoring your partner's body full and completely with your mouth. It's the act of using your hot mouth to bless and worship the one you love." (Is it hot in here or is it just me??)
When you're being worshipped (#bless), "your intention isn't necessarily to climax, but to focus on your breath and experience your partner deeper, emotionally," says Martin. Try breathing in through the nose and exhaling out through the mouth. This will help you connect to the sensations happening from your toes to your vagina to your head—and to your partner, she says. "This shift in focus will allow you to see and feel something deeper." (Related: Everything You Should Know About Oral STI's, But Probably Don't)
For an extra boost of intimacy, prop yourself on your forearms and look down at your partner and into their eyes. "At first this might feel awkward and really vulnerable. But don't give up, it takes a minute for it to become second nature," says Piper.
Spooning sex is already intimate—you're literally cuddling, after all. Go deeper by starting snuggled up with bae, sans penetration and just... talking. Seriously. "My partner and I play a verbal game called 'Desires, Fears, and Loves' as foreplay where we share what we really want, what we're afraid of, and what we love about each other," says Martin. "When you share this information in a structured way, the intimacy and connection deepens the intimacy of the sex that comes after."
When you're ready to begin, have the penetrating partner (aka the big spoon) ease inside the receiving partner, either vaginally or anally. From here, get handsy! Touch yourself, touch your partner, run your hands up and down their thighs, or intertwine your fingers with theirs. (Thinking about trying anal sex? Here are 12 things you need to know.)
If you're the receiving partner, twist your head and look at your lover. (Looking back at it has never been so intimate!)
Doggy-style gets a bad rep for being disconnected, but even this penetrator-in-back position can be tantra-fied. "It's true that Doggy Style has a very primal attitude to it, but it's actually a great option for opening up the root chakra, which is the erogenous zone that helps us feel a sense of belonging and security," says Sundari.
Start in classic doggy style, with the receiving partner on all fours and the penetrating partner behind them. But instead of grasping the receiver's hips, the penetrator can drape their body over their partners so that there's more skin-on-skin contact. Most important, says Sundari, "the receiver should arch their back in order to activate the heart's energy center." It sounds a little woo-woo, and it's certainly a powerful angle, but don't worry if you're not a spiritual or religious person. She promises you don't have to be to feel the passion these slight shifts create. *Insert flame emoji* (Related: 10 Different Sex Positions That'll Spice Up Your Bedroom)