By Diana Kelly
March 19, 2014
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Online dating can be difficult. You know you're a smart, healthy, driven woman, but putting your best self forward to the world is easier said than done. How are you supposed to know what to include, exclude, and how to word it all in order to attract the right guy(s)?

Bravo's new series Online Dating Rituals of the American Male examines the very people you're trying to reach: men. The show looks into their views on the cyber-dating world, and to add to the mix, we did our own off-camera research. Here, guys dish on photos, profiles, and all the things you're doing right and wrong to get their attention. You don't have to overhaul your strategy based off of these guys' thoughts, but if you're in a rut, take some tips right from the stallion's mouth.

What He Thinks About Your Photos

"If two or more pictures of you are with the same guy, an explanation is required." –Jeff, 35

"When you have too many pictures with family members, it makes us think you're going to drag us to family functions early on. Balance the family photos with you doing something fun-like hanging out at a stadium-so I have a better idea of what our time together will be like." –James, 42

"If the woman's photos are only with friends, I automatically think she is shy and insecure about her looks. I would like to see a confident picture of her by herself doing something she loves. That gives me something to talk about." –Javier, 30

"Women that have pictures of themselves doing stupid and dorky things are always a plus to me-it shows a sense of humor and that a girl can poke fun of herself." –Dan, 32

"I like a more natural photo, just the beautiful girl and her vibrant smile. That tells me she's not trying too hard and that she knows what's important in her life." –Carlo, 37

RELATED: 10 Tips to Look Great in Every Photo

What He Thinks About Your Profile

"Everyone's profile says they love travel, animals, trying new foods, and that they are giving online dating a try. If you sound like everyone else, I'm going to think you didn't put any thought into your profile. The best profiles are short and convey that a girl is open-minded." –Will, 31

"I would bypass a profile if a woman's profile said that a guy ‘needs to make me laugh.' Don't just tell me what you need a guy to do for you-emphasize the traits you find most attractive. If you say you like ‘a guy who doesn't take himself too seriously,' this gives me insight into your personality." –Dan, 32

"I like when her profile shows a little sarcasm and spunk. Sarcasm can show that the girl doesn't take herself or life too seriously. One girl's profile that made me laugh said she was seeking a ‘rock star chef to search the infinite abyss with. And if you can make a red velvet cake, well, that's pretty sexy, too.'" –Rob, 31

"Most men are basically children. If your profile comes across as too sophisticated, we're afraid you're going to make us sell our Xbox One on eBay. Use the old bait and switch! Put fun key words in your profile to get us on the hook, then you can switch the game up once we're dating and we won't even notice that we're apple picking with you on the weekends." –James, 42

"The different sections of your profile shouldn't clash. If you say you don't drink often, don't put up photos of you drinking." –Ed, 26

"If a girl is making too many negative judgmental statements, I'm not going to be interested in her, no matter what she looks like, especially if she uses the word ‘hate.'" –Jack 26

"I met a woman who didn't have a profile photo and neither did I, but she mentioned she loved a city I recently visited and loved too. Once I realized that our interests and travels mimicked each others, I had to immediately message her to find out more." –John, 30

RELATED: The Worst Online Dating Messages Ever

What He Thinks About You Reaching Out First

"If a girl messages me first, that's definitely attractive. It shows she knows what she wants, and if that's me, who am I to complain? I personally don't like initiating by sending messages." –Danny, 29

"I like when a girl initiates contact as long as she shows she paid attention to my profile and says more than just ‘Hi' or ‘You're cute.'" -Mike, 26

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Comments (3)

Anonymous
March 29, 2019
This may not sound fair, because it’s not-But did you know that you can be a guy’s dream girl...I mean, you can literally check off every box on his “perfect woman” list...But if you mess up this one thing, he’ll drop you the second another option comes along? And most women have no clue it exists because guys aren’t even aware of it. They just KNOW when it’s missing.The really cool thing is, when you know how to give a man this “secret ingredient”...It will send a shockwave of desire for you straight to his brain and he will HAVE to have you. In fact, when you do this... watch his face light up, almost as if he’s just been zapped.Find out here ==> https://bit.ly/makeamandesireyou
Anonymous
April 2, 2018
As an intelligent man who does alright, I would like to give some insight into why I do or dont message women. Part of the problem is that many men are not discerning or they are indeed they are desperate. I created a womans profile with no pic or text and got responses. Some tried to be clever, but do you want to attract the kind of men who will message an empty profile? No way. These guys will message anyone. Women get lots of messages and likes, it actually makes them lazy, as another 500 messages await. But guess what, most of these are the ones you dont want to deal with. But it allows women to be lazy because they measure the number of likes, not the quality of the men. You want to put out the things that are in a man you want, but not say it, show it. So my major reasons are 1. Too much negativity, I dont want to read lines of what you dont want, I have switched off very quickly. I dont want a negative person 2. Do not be lazy, put in effort to your profile. You may think "ask me", "I prefer to chat" etc may draw people in due to mystery. Realise you are competing with women who do put effort in. You are low on the pecking order. You will keep getting the creeps, they are purely judging you on your pic, Is that really what you want? 3. Avoid cliches that make you sound like everyone else, Down to earth, I like fun etc dont actually mean anything. DTE is an opinion and who doesnt like fun. Half the women use these and they all end up sounding the same. If you sound like everyone else, why will a good man contact you. Music moves me, what does that, it does most. Its only significant if you work in the industry. Better to tell a story about your favourite concert or say you often spend crazy moments dancing in the living room or something that shows the love of music. 4. Dont say it, show it. It doesnt matter if your friends think you are funny, you are not on there to attract your freinds. It is far better to say something funny or clever than to say that you are. Some people wont find you funny, great, you dont want them anyway. 5 Whilst men want sexy women, we want aware ones. I dont go near women who push their tits up at me in their main pic. My brain is what matters, not my [filtered]. You will only attract the dicks and [filtered] pics 6. Dont be afraid to be honest. If you are larger, dont avoid the question and dont say your are average. Its a lack of integrity and you are saying you have something to hide. Some men love larger women. And dont lie about your age. Especially when you write you hate liars in your profile. Understand that you need to be what you advertise when you turn up to meet. If you arent, its game over. 6. Dont be afraid to choose the interesting man and message him. Everyone appreciates being noticed. If your profile supports you being quality, you have his attention 7. I answer Hi sometimes, often not. Most women put in their profiles they want men to put in effort, its weird alot of women dont actually do it 8. Acknowledge the men who make a proper effort, even if you are not interested, Keep a proforma for this so it isnt hard work. But you dont want stuff things up for your sisters by discouraging the right approach. Imagine making the perfect man for your best friend jaded. 9. Understand what it is that attracts you. If the profile is serious, it sounds like hard work. Male/woman interaction should be fun. Yes there are times for depth and serious, but most of the time should be fun 10 Avoid interviewing in your chat. 50 questions is damn boring, see point 9
Anonymous
September 5, 2017
Women are more inclined at most times to look for a partner than just casual hookups, the most sought after category among most women is actually relationship dating. This sort of partnership takes time to take off even via a dating site. I have seen this particular way of women on meetoutside https://www.meetoutside.com that made me realize that best to go after women who are looking for something casual else success may take a longer time. Having a crisp dating profile can mean that you can get selected interests from men, and have better chance of finding a good match. But yes, the online way is working for both men and women in greater numbers as time goes by.