Five pearls of scientific wisdom to help you tackle modern-day love, relationships, and dating.

By By Jenna Birch
Updated: June 25, 2018

It's hard to find lasting love today. If you follow the prescribed trajectory, first, you date, which involves swimming through a sea of app options, battling behaviors like "ghosting," in a hyper-distracted culture. Next, you couple up and attempt to form a stable bond, all the while juggling career, family, friends, travel, and a million other obligations to split your attention. And once you finally settle into a committed relationship, you're tasked with the not-so-easy job of keeping the flame lit and your partner satisfied for, well, the rest of your life!

Finding love is a tall order for any person, especially given the millennial generation's ideals; the expectation is often that you fall in love with a person who can be a partner, a lover, and a best friend. Thankfully, it's not impossible to find that sort of fulfilling love within a single person-but you need to work at it, choosing, committing to, and growing in a positive direction with the right person.

As you do it, here are some studies to keep in mind about the process of dating, committing, and staying together.

Limit choice to some extent.

Much has been made of the plentiful "options" in present dating culture. Flip open Tinder or Bumble, and you probably have hundreds or thousands of options within your reach. Additionally, a 2014 study showed all the ways daters keep in touch with "backburners"-those people they're not dating now, but might want to date or hook up with later. It's great to realize dating is more varied than ever, and getting together with the right person might even take years. However, while it's one thing to recognize that timing can thwart potential love, or to stay in low-key touch with romantic flames from your past via social media or the occasional text, it's another thing to consider everyone a legitimate option. The Paradox of Choice is real, per psychologist Barry Schwartz; sometimes, imagining too many potential dating choices will make you less happy. So when it comes to finding a relationship, limit choice when looking for someone who might be right for you-and invest accordingly.

Never pretend to be less to score a partner.

In a 2017 study of top MBA students, single women downplayed their ambition when they thought single guys might be able to see their answers; married women did not. Whether conscious or subconscious, pretending to be less than yourself might help you reach a short-term goal like scoring a date, but it's unlikely to help you reach long-term satisfaction. Career is a smart investment for women-something that can help keep you fulfilled, no matter how your relationship status changes throughout a lifetime. Take those opportunities to climb the ladder, and don't worry about what guys might think; the good ones would want you to reach for your dreams. (Related: 5 Lessons I Learned from Going On a Relationship Cleanse)

For straight women, find a man who "accepts your influence."

Toxic masculinity is currently at the forefront of the cultural conversation when it comes to dating-so it's important to consider carefully whether you see potentially negative behaviors early on. Way back in 1998, marriage researcher John Gottman found that couples were far more successful if a husband accepted his wife's influence. (While the opposite is also true, women typically already accept influence from their male partners.) That means he doesn't stonewall after an argument, or he doesn't get defensive when you nicely point out something he might do better or state your feelings. If you want a strong relationship, make sure you listen to each other, without defensiveness or negative tactics. Your partner's reaction to conflict might give you key information about your ability to be satisfied in that relationship long-term.

Look for a partner who makes you better, not comfortable.

It's great to feel like you can be yourself around your partner, that you can let your hair down, have bad days, or share things you've never told anyone. However, these behaviors might not be indicators of the best kind of relationships. In a 2017 study, researchers discovered that the strongest, most fulfilling bonds were between two people who felt like their best selves in a given relationship-not like their actual selves. Today, men and women have never wanted more for their long-term loves, and the essence of what millennials want is growth. Look for a person who inspires you and helps you work toward your personal goals, whether that's going back to graduate school or training for a marathon together. If you find that, you'll be a stronger couple, too.

The secret to a great relationship might be simpler than you think: kindness.

In his book The Science of Happily Ever After, psychologist Ty Tashiro found that some of the hallmarks of couples who make it last weren't grand gestures or romantic getaways. One discovery? Kindness is a big key to a satisfying long-term relationship. The essence of this finding might be really simple. According to a 2010 study, the more a person sees and experiences kindness from others, the more they will pass that on to others. So, for instance, if you bring your S.O. takeout after a long day at the office or plan a surprise evening out for his birthday, there's a good chance he'll return the favor in some other way, another time. If you notice this simple reciprocity early on, instead of noticing withholding or selfishness, you're likely to have the foundations for a good, strong, lasting bond.

Jenna Birch is author of The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win In Life and Love.

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Comments (20)

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December 5, 2018
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October 6, 2018
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July 12, 2018
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June 23, 2018
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Anonymous
October 6, 2018
HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK HOME WITH THE HELP OF A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER DR IFADE TEXT OR CONTACT VIA WHATSAPP +2349060120490 OR EMAIL HIM ON ifadesolutionspell31@gmail.com. My name is KAYLEE TAYLOR am from united state, I almost took my life because of my husband who left me and stop picking my calls answering my mails and my messages. He said He do not trust me anymore, I tried to convince and beg him, but he will not believe or answer me until we had a fight and broke up for 6months, after then I realize I can not live without him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to get him back, but non worked for me, some fake spell casters scammed me and went away with my money until I came across this man called Dr IFADE he helped me cast a spell and behold my husband came back after 48 hours, begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that spell caster like Dr IFADE still exist. If anyone here needs some help, with all sincerity, contact Dr IFADE today On ifadesolutionspell31@gmail.com Contact him via is whatsapp number +2349060120490 indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again.i can never stop talking about you sir. DR IFADE is really a great man you can contact him for solution for any kind of problems like (1) lottery spell (2) ex back (3) get pregnant (4) cure for any kind of sickness,disease and infection And many others contact this great man today and get your Problems solved. HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK HOME WITH THE HELP OF A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER DR IFADE TEXT OR CONTACT VIA WHATSAPP +2349060120490 OR EMAIL HIM ON ifadesolutionspell31@gmail.com. My name is KAYLEE TAYLOR am from united state, I almost took my life because of my husband who left me and stop picking my calls answering my mails and my messages. He said He do not trust me anymore, I tried to convince and beg him, but he will not believe or answer me until we had a fight and broke up for 6months, after then I realize I can not live without him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to get him back, but non worked for me, some fake spell casters scammed me and went away with my money until I came across this man called Dr IFADE he helped me cast a spell and behold my husband came back after 48 hours, begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that spell caster like Dr IFADE still exist. If anyone here needs some help, with all sincerity, contact Dr IFADE today On ifadesolutionspell31@gmail.com Contact him via is whatsapp number +2349060120490 indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again.i can never stop talking about you sir. DR IFADE is really a great man you can contact him for solution for any kind of problems like (1) lottery spell (2) ex back (3) get pregnant (4) cure for any kind of sickness,disease and infection And many others contact this great man today and get your Problems solved.
Anonymous
April 25, 2018
Return Lost Love Spells That Really Work fast: Fix Your Broken Relationship Or Marriage My appreciation goes to the great spell caster who has brought back my husband. It all happened when i came across different testimonies and appreciations share about this man called Dr Trust here on the internet on how he did cast spells to reunite broken relationships,winning lotto for different people across the globe. Then i decided to collect is website contact for me to reach out to him,because i was also encountering some problems with my man and this has torn our relationship apart. So I did that with reluctance and i got a positive result which was just all like a dream to me,my husband call my cell phone again for the first time in 4 years asking for us to have a date and sort out things. Now as i speak we are happier than ever before. My husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Trust for saving my broken Marriage. Dr. Trust is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. Email him now today. Check his website for more testimony of other people: https://utimatespellcast.wordpress.com Email him: Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com OR Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com Whats-App: or call: +2348156885231
Anonymous
March 7, 2018
Good day everyone, I'm here to share my unexpected miracle that had happened to me through the help of Dr. Todd. I was happily married with two kids; we lived together as one because we both loved each other. All of a sudden, my husband started acting funny and started keeping late night. I took out time to know what was actually going on and realized that he was cheating on me. Later on, he told me that he cannot continue with me, I even pleaded with him but he never listened. The worst part of it was that he left me and my two kids with noting to hold on to. But there was nothing I could do to stop him or bring him back to me. I work so hard to pay the kids school fees and other responsibilities for good three years. I cry all day and night because I didn't know what to do to have my husband back to me until this fateful day I read the post from one Mrs. Victoria testifying how the great spell caster helped her to get her ex back. I just wanted to try my luck because I never believe it will work but I said let me give it a try. I contacted the great spell caster and he told me not to worry that my husband will return to me in no distance time after he must have finished casting the spell, which I will get back my husband. The unbelievable happened on Sunday when I got a call and I was so surprised to hear my husbands voice apologizing to me that he is so sorry for all his Wrong did, telling me he is coming back home to fix all the pains and hardship he brought upon me. Wow! I really appreciated the great work of Dr. Todd. I will always acknowledge your "FABULOUS WORKS" and there is nothing I could say than to tell the whole world about my miracle. So, if anyone is out there reading this post and you have similar issue like this, worry no more Dr. Todd is there for you, he can also offer any type of help like Reuniting of marriage and relationship, Curing of genital herpes and all types of Diseases, Court Cases, Pregnancy Spell, Spiritual protection and lot's more. E-mail: manifestspellcast@gmail.com
Anonymous
February 21, 2018
GET YOUR EX WIFE, EX GIRLFRIEND, EX BOYFRIEND AND SOLVE ALL TYPE OF PROBLEM THROUGH COVENANTSOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM. My name is Enoch martin my wife and I got married 6 years ago and we were so much in love with each other, we have 2 kids(josh and rebecca). One day my wife came back home from her friends place and she told me that she wants us to file for a divorce that she's no longer interested in our marriage, i was surprise and everything seem to me like a joke. after then i tried all my best to get her back but there was no way. but to no avail, my heart was broken, i wondered whats happening .i was on facebook when i saw a post on how Dr Ewan helped a lady to bring back her lost husband. i was scared but because i love my wife so much and I am ready to do anything to bring her back. I decided to give it a try by contacting him via email:covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com, So when i contacted him i narrated everything to him and he said my case is not a serious one that my husband will come back to me within 18 hours if i believe in his power.he told me to do some things to do which i did before 18 hours, my wife called me on phone and was crying for forgiveness. right now we are now a new branded family with more happiness, we are even going on vacation on xmas. please if any one of you out there is passing through same issue in your marriage, relationship issues contact Dr Ewan today or call him on this number +2349078040531 or add him on whatsapp on +2349057353987 or check out his webpage http://allwomenstalk.com/p/58034af4f725a97d108b4569. contact him today on covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com now. . I will keep on sharing the good news about this. Thanks Dr.
Anonymous
February 16, 2018
Good news. my testimony is about the powerful spell caster called Dr Jatto who helped me to restored me to bring back my wife after she saw me hugging a lady, and she took it hard that i am having affair with the lady and she left home. i tried all my best to get her back but all to no avail. and it so frustrating but i head on getting back no matter what. did all i could but i was still couldn't until i saw a so much comment on how Dr Jatto has restored Ex back and many broken home. i mail him and he told me to relax that my wife will come back to me after he has cast the love spell in 48hours. my wife will call and first apologize and then come back home and apologize again. so i gave in and he did the spell and after 48hours my wife did as he has said. today my family is back as an happy family. All to Dr Jatto. Email him: drjattolovespelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or drjattolovespelltemple@gmail.com or his Whats app Number:+27832193146.